Palin, Michael Palin

Rated R

Parts 1- 12 (James Bond)

Part 1

(White dot tracks across the screen...It opens up into the inside of the barrel of a gun as Michael Palin, dressed in a black tuxedo walks in front of it. The gun barrels tracks him as he walks along...Suddenly, the It's man pops up in front of Michael)

It's man: It's....

(Michael points his gun at the gun barrel and shoots the It's man thru the head. The It's man drops away as Michael stands frozen and blood trickles down the screen. The gun barrel begins to move back and forth and opens up into...)

"The beauty and the majesty of Antartica is truly breathtaking. I'm am glad that I have been privilaged to set foot here."

"Okay Mike, I think that's enough for today! It's getting too cold!" Basil Pao called out from behind the camera."

Mike nodded as his crew began to pack up their equipment for the night. It had been a long days fiming for everyone and all of them were anxious to get back to the scientists quarters for a nice hot meal.

"You coming, Mike?" Basil asked as they walked in front of him.

"I'll be right behind you guys, I need to use the bathroom." Mike said waving them on.

Basil snorted..

"Don't freeze your ass off while you're doing it." he said as he waved to Mike.

Mike laughed and watched them go. He started off in the direction of the uncovered igloo that surrounded the outdoor toilet. He looked back over his shoulder as he walked and when he felt he was a safe distance away from the others, he stopped. Opening one of the front pockets of his parka, he pulled out a little transmitter and put a little hearing aide type device in his left ear. He continued to walk towards the toilet as he talked...

"Agent 005 reporting in. What is my assignment?" He yelled into the mini microphone on the transmitter.

He heard some static for a moment through the hearing aide and then a british voice began to blare into his ear...

"We've gotten a report that there is a scientist and some of his assistants operating near where you are. The scientists name is Doctor Evan Summers. He was born in England and educated at Oxford. He is considered by many to be a genius and also a madman. He has developed a laser that can destroy what is left of the ozone layer. He is demanding a billion dollars from the United States, Great Britian, China, and Japan. If he doesn't get it, he will turn on the laser. Your job is to find him and eliminate him."

"Is he the last one?" Mike said.

"Yes, You have managed to elimanate all his associates and assistants using this travel program as a front. Now all you have left is Summers and a few of his assistants and the mission will be a success."

"Any idea where he is?" Mike asked.

"Yes, we have picked up heat signitures in a cave about a mile to the left of where you are. We are pretty sure this is him." The voice said. "We have downloaded the coordinates into your GPS tracker."

"Understood, Agent 005, out.." Mike said.

He took the hearing aide out of his ear and put it and the transmitter back into his parka pocket. He reached in and pulled out his GPS tracker at the same time and turned it on. He studied it for a few minutes and then turned to his left toward the coordinates that had been designated for him...


Doctor Summers slammed his fist down on the table....

"What is taking them so long? Do they think I'm playing around?" He said looking over to a nervous assistant nearby. "I have given everyone more than enough time to comply with my demands. I am slowly losing my patience." he slammed his fist down again, causing the assistant to flinch.

"They are probably getting the money together as we speak, sir." He said carefully choosing his words.

He remembered the last assistant who had said the wrong thing to Doctor Summers had ended up dead with a bullet in his brain...

"They better be, if they know what's good for them." Doctor Summers said, gritting his teeth. "I won't hesitate to use the laser, if I don't get my way!"


Mike creeped slowly along the cavern wall. He got out his automatic and readied it, in case he had to use it. He had heard men's voices coming from deep within the cavern, so he knew that the coordinates he had been given were accurate. He stopped for a moment as the cavern got darker, and reached into a small backpack. He pulled out some night vision goggles and slid them down over his eyes. Turning it on he kept on going into the darkness...

He advanced a few more feet before he suddenly came upon a lone figure in the darkness. Through the green tint of the goggles, he made out that he was leaning up against one of the walls. He was looking in Mike's direction and his gun was pointed towards the entrance. Mike crept up behind him and broke his neck with one snap. After making sure he was dead, he hurried on....


"Sir, It's President Bush." The assistant said to Doctor Summers as he handed him a satellite phone.

"Ah, Good day, Sir." Doctor Summers said taking on a conversational tone. "What is your answer?"

Unseen by the doctor and his assistant, Mike crept into the room and hid behind some equipment....

"So, you and the other countries refuse to negotiate with madman, do you?" Doctor Summers yelled into the phone. "You will all be sorry you ever made that decision. Say goodbye to the ozone layer!"

He pressed the end button and handed the phone back to his assistant...

"Prepare the laser." He said.

"Sir, Are you sure you want to go through with this?" the assistant said,suddenly unsure.

He gulped as Doctor Summers raised a gun to his head...

"Prepare...the...laser." He said in a menacing tone

The assistant nodded, too afraid to protest. As he walked to the laser, Mike quickly hurried along, keeping to the shadows. He crept around the back of the laser as the assistant began to switch it on and set the coordinates. Mike reached into his backpack and pulled out a small bomb. He affixed it to the back of laser and crept around the side. Again keeping to the shadows he managed to work his way back towards the entrance and go through. He slid the night vision goggles back down and crept up towards the mouth of the cave...


"Are you ready?" Doctor Summers called to his assistant.

His assistant nodded, his finger on the firing mechanism...


Mike reached the mouth of the cave and began running as fast as he could away from the cave. He reached into the backpack and pulled out a small remote detonator...


"On my mark, I want you to fire!" Doctor Summers said.

The assistant nodded again and watched as he brough his hand up...

"NOW!" He said lowering his arm...


Mike pushed the button on the remote detonator and heard a rumble deep within the cavern. The ground tremored beneith him and he watched as a fireball erupted out the mouth of the cave. Smiling to himself, He turned and made his way back to the camp...

"Hey Mike, What happened?"Basil asked as he returned." I thought you were only going to the toilet. Did you fall in?" He asked as the others laughed.

"Nope, I was just enjoying the scenery. It's been a real blast being here..."


(Opening titles start...Pepperpots fill the screen and prance around pointing guns and striking poses.)

(Song starts)

There's an agent who's the best

He's a cut above the rest.

When troubles brewing, he'll be found

He's like a python coiling round

He's an agent like no other

He's a nice chap, loves his mother

But if you get him real mad

He'll be the worst enemy you ever had

He's Mike

He's the spy I like

He'll keep you from being dead

then he'll get you in bed

He once was a normal guy

but now he's a superspy

he's always there to save the day

and he's one hell of a lay.

Please don't get me wrong

he loves wine, women and song

but he first does his duty

before he gets him some booty

He's Mike

He's the spy I like

He'll keep you from being dead

then he'll get you in beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed....

Part 2

"You have been cleared...Thank you, Agent 005"

Mike pulled his ID card back as the electronic voice ended it's welcome. The door slid open and Mike entered and began to walk down the hallway towards the debriefing room....

On his way, he nodded at the other agents and greeted them as they passed by...

"Good morning, Peel...Good morning, Steed...Good morning, Powers"

"Groovy, baby!" Agent Powers said back to Mike as he walked in the other direction.

"Good morning, 007."

"Good morning, 005"

Mike looked back at the smartly dressed agent as he passed. He was always surprised to see 007 alive after a mission. The man was such a mediocre agent, it had to be dumb luck that he was able to survive again and again. He shrugged and continued down the hall until he reached the debriefing room. He showed his ID card to the secretary and was buzzed through...

"Good Morning, 005." M said as he took a seat at the far end of a long table. M sat on the other end and near her were various officials from different countries. "I've called you here to discuss the details of your next mission."

"Am I going to do another travel program for this one?" Mike asked.

He was getting used to his long missions that were disguised to the general public as documentaries. Because of his past with Monty Python, it was felt he was too well known. He could be easily spotted and it would comprimise him and his objective. The travel programs provided a front while he carried out his real missions. To ensure secrecy, no one but him knew the true purpose of his travels, which meant he had to be extremely careful around the film crew that followed him...

"No, 005, a documentary front will not be necessary this time. There is only one person to worry about."

Mike nodded as M moved to the side of the table. She turned on a slide machine and the image of a beautiful woman with long black hair came up on a screen...

"This is Arachnia Phelps. She is your new objective. She is an expert on spiders, specifically Black Widows. She is also an expert in Genetics and Biology. According to the file we've gathered on her, Arachnia has never been very stable, mentally. A year ago, her father who was a chauffer, was killed in a car accident. It was her fathers fault, he had been drinking heavily all night at a pub and had reported to work drunk. He took his employer out for a ride and wrapped the car around a tree. Her father was killed instantly. The employer survived....barely. Arachnia is convinced that since he was not killed, he must have something to do with her father's death. She has sworn revenge on her father's former employer and has taken the name of Black Widow.

"Black Widow?" Mike asked as he stared at her picture

M nodded...

"We suspect she has already killed a few people. People close to her father's employer have mysteriously died. The autopsies have shown hardly any blood in the body and a filmy coating over some of the body. Tests have proven the filmy coating is the same substance used by spiders to spin their webs."

M looked over at Mike and clicked the button on the slide projector..

"This is a picture of her father's former employer."

Mike's eyes widened as he stared at the slide. The photo was of a man about his age with blonde curly hair and a wide smile. Mike blinked in shock...

"Eric?" he said in disbelief

M shook her head...

"No, It is not Mister Idle, 005. Though the resemblance is remarkable. This is Reginald Fulton. He is a very wealthy man. He inherited his fathers fortune that he made, after he invested in Apple Computers when it was first starting up He used to reside in Sheffield, but after the accident, his doctor suggested a warmer climate might be better for him. So, he...immigrated to Los Angeles, where he currently resides with his wife and infant daughter."

Mike's eyes widened...

"But...Eric's in Los Angeles and he has a wife and infant daughter too."

M nodded...

"Precisely why we believe his life might be in danger. As you can see from this slide, the resemblance is uncanny. She may well mistake Mister Idle for Mister Fulton and try to do harm to him and his family. You might want to keep an eye on them as you are searching for Miss Phelps."

Mike nodded hardly believing what he was hearing. It seemed like Mister Fulton was Eric's double. He wondered if his wife and daughter looked alot like Tania and Lily too?

"That concludes your briefing, 005. Please report to Q. He wants to give you some things to help you on your mission."

Mike nodded to M and everyone else. He got up and walked out of the debriefing room, too stunned to speak...


Eric stretched as he walked out the front door of his house. It was one of those rare days when the smog was low and the sky was a deep blue. Tania had left early to do some grocery shopping and Eric had volunteered to watch Lily while she was gone...

He looked down as he felt a slight tug at his pant leg and smiled as Lily grinned up at him.

"Hi daddy!" she said in a high pitched voice.

"Hello, my little ferret!" Eric said as he reached down and picked her up. "You haven't destroyed the house yet, have you?" He asked raising his eyebrow.

He chuckled as Lily put her hands over her eyes and tried to hide as she giggled..

"That's what I thought." Eric said, kissing her cheek.

With a little squeal of joy, Lily threw her arms around Eric's neck and gave him a hug. Eric returned the hug marvelling at how big she was getting. She was already two years old and it seemed like everytime Eric picked her up, she seemed a little heavier...

As Lily laid her head on Eric's shoulder, he began to walk around the yard singing softly to her. He thanked God every day for her and for Tania. He never thought when he was younger that he would ever be so completely happy....

"Daddy!" He heard Lilly squeal in his ear.

He looked over his shoulder and saw her looking down towards the driveway. Eric turned and followed her gaze. His eyes and his smile widened as he recognized Mike walking towards him....

Part 3

"Mike!" Eric said as he walked towards him. "Oh my God, I can't believe you are here! It's great to see you again." He gave Mike a quick hug. " It's been far too long, mate!" He said. "I haven't seen you since Gray's funeral. I don't think you've ever met Lily, either."

He nodded his head towards Lily who was looking at Mike with a wide smile.

Mike grinned at her...

"Hello Lily, nice to meet you."

Lily's smile spread even wider..

"Hello, peoples! " she said giggling.

Eric laughed and whispered in her ear..

"This is Mike."

"Hello, peoples Mike." she said giggling.

Eric and Mike looked at each other and broke out laughing...


Mike sighed, contentedly, as he lounged on a couch in the Idle's living room. He had just finished eating a delicious supper with Eric, Lily and Tania, who had returned a few hours after Mike had reached the house. In honor of his coming, they had decided to fix an English supper for him. Mike had enjoyed every bite of it. Tania was a excellent cook...

Eric sat down in a chair across from the couch as Lily played at his feet...

"How have things been with you?" He asked

"Not bad, I just got back from another one of my travel programs." Mike said as he watched Lily playing with some blocks...

Eric raised his eyebrow...

"Another one? Where did you go this time?" He asked.

"From the North to the South Pole trying to follow the 30 degree line of longitude."

Eric grinned..

"You went to the poles? How was it?"

"Very bloody cold!" Mike said with a wink

Eric laughed...

"Nah, really? I couldn't have guessed that!" He said sarcastically. "So, How many more of these shows are you going to do? Are you going to try to explore every nook and cranny on the earth?"

"Yes, as long as I don't have to stay at home and take out the trash every night." Mike said with a grin.

Eric laughed..

"Gee, why didn't I think of that? Maybe I'll join you on the next one then!"

As they laughed, Tania entered the living room and stood over Lily. Lily looked up and grinned at her...

"Guess who needs a bath?" Tania asked her.

Lily's smile faded from her face and she ran to Eric's pantleg and clutched it...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed at the top of her voice.

Tania looked at Eric and rolled her eyes...

"Need any help?" Eric said trying to pry Lily's grip off of his leg

"No, Hon! I'm fine, you have company." Tania said trying to pry Lily off also.

With a grunt, she finally pryed the death grip from Eric's leg and swooped her up into her arms....

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lily said as Tania quickly hurried to the bathroom

Eric sighed and looked at Mike...

"We're your kids like this when they were little?" He asked

"Probably about ten times worse" Mike laughed. "Rachael especially was hard to get in the bathtub. She'd wrap her arms around table legs, bed frames....She'd get away and hide in cabinets...It took forever to get her cleaned every night."

"What is it about girls and baths? I thought they were supposed to like being clean?" Eric chuckled.

Mike shrugged...

"Not our kids, apparently..."

Eric and Mike looked over as they heard Lily in the bathroom...


Eric looked back at Mike...

"Why do I see her writing a tell-all book years from now about how cruel we were to her when she was two?"

Mike giggled. He felt so comfortable in Eric's house. He wished he could forget his mission and just visit for a few days. The thought of this Black Widow harming Eric or his family filled him with a sense of urgency at completing the mission quickly. He only hoped that he could keep her away from them...

Eric groaned as Lily let out another little scream...

"I just love being a father, really!" He said as he and Mike laughed...
Part 4

The next morning Mike started out to visit Reginald Fulton. He had wanted to leave pretty early, but Eric insisted he have breakfast with him and Tania and Lily. He offered to stay at a Hotel, but Eric insisted that he continue to stay at their home...

"There's no need to pay for an expensive hotel, when you can stay here free of charge." Eric had said

Mike agreed reluctantly, still fearful of putting his friend and his family in danger...

The address for Reginald's house ended up only being a twenty minute drive from Eric's house. Mike wondered if they had ever met accidentally. Judging by the picture he was shown, he was pretty sure Eric would do a double take if he ever did see him...

He pulled up to the gate of the Fulton estate and stared in wonderment....

Eric's house was big, but the Fulton estate was lavish. Mike couldn't help but stare at the huge white mansion with the greek type pillars lining the front porch. Eric's house was an adobe type house as was many of the houses he had seen in the area, including the Fulton's neighborhood. But Reginald's house was white brick and looked more like something on a southern plantation. The front gates were very ornate too. Mike stared at the peacocks engraved on either side of the iron gates and marvelled at their beauty. In a way, he was glad to see this, it meant that Reginald and Eric weren't exactly alike as he had feared. Eric would never go for something as ostentacious or as conspicuous as this house. It was as if the Fulton's were silently boasting to everyone else in the neighborhood of their wealth.

Mike leaned out the window and pressed the button on the intercom box...

"Yes, May I help you?" A voice said as a camera focused on Mike...

"Michael Palin, I'm from the British Secret Service here to talk to Reginald Fulton" Mike said flashing his ID badge at the camera...

He heard a faint buzzing sound and the gate slowly opened with an audible creak. Mike leaned back into his car and slowly drove up the driveway towards the house. As he drove up, he saw the front door open and a little girl ran out on the porch watching his car as it inched up the driveway. Mike figured that it must be Fulton's daughter. He breathed a sigh of relief as he noticed she wasn't a carbon copy of Lily. The child had blonde hair, but unlike Lily's soft curls that she inherited from her father, this girls hair was straight and hanging down her back. Also, Unlike Lily, who was normal weight as a result of the family's vegitarian diet, The Fulton girl was very plump and resembled a Cabbage Patch Kid...

Mike waved at the girl as she waved to him. He watched her go up to the open door and yell in as she jabbed a chubby finger his way. As he parked the car, he watched as Reginald and a woman,whom Mike assumed was his wife, come out and stand on the porch behind their daughter. The wife looked nothing like Tania either. She was alot shorter and had blonde hair, unlike Tania's brown. She also was a little on the plump side too. Only Reginald looked thin and as he feared, exactly like Eric...

"Ah! So you're the agent they sent!" Reginald said as he extended his hand to him...

Mike shook his hand warmly and shook his wife's hand. He beamed down at the little girl as she looked up at him curiously...

"Yes, My name is Palin, Michael Palin." He said holding up his ID badge again. "I understand a Miss Phelps is threatening you?"

Reginalds face darkened and he turned to his wife...

"Judith, Take Angela inside. I want to speak to Mister Palin alone."

Judith nodded and took Angela inside, coaxing in the child who wanted to stay and listen to the stranger. Finally with reluctance, Angela followed her mother inside, pouting, and Judith closed the door...

Reginald sighed and motioned Mike around back to the patio. As they reached the patio, Reginald offered Mike a seat and he sat down, thanking him. Reginald sat down across from him and folded his hands in his lap...

"First off, let me say I will not be intimdated!" Reginald said firmly." I know I was pissed the night I drove her father home, but I have paid for my crime by serving a year in prison. No matter how much she threatens me, it will not bring her father back." Reginald indicated his back. "I will suffer the rest of my life from the injuries I sustained as well. My backbone was bruised severly and my pelvis was crushed. I have trouble walking sometimes, especially when it rains, which is why my doctor suggested I move here. So I'm sure she'll be glad to know I'm never going to be 100 percent normal."

Mike nodded...

"Despite all that, she is still out for revenge. Perhaps, it would be best to move your family into hiding until she is captured?"

Reginald raised his eyebrows and widened his eyes. Mike flinched. The way he did it, he looked almost like Eric again. It was just too creepy...

"Go into hiding? And let her think she's won? You must be out of your mind!" He said folding his arms over his chest...

"I'm not talking about forever, Mister Fulton." Mike said. "I only mean until she is caught. Aren't you concerned she might try to harm your family in any way?"

"For your information, I have ample security here. I feel confident that they can protect my family from a loser like Miss Phelps..." He said with a smug grin...

Mike sighed inwardly. He was beginning to dislike Reginald Fulton with each moment that passed. He didn't really seem to care about anyone, except himself. He had a feeling deep down that he was not really remorseful about what he had done to Arachnia's father. He had never read about the year in prison he had claimed to serve either. He wondered if Fulton had paid his way out of jail time with his money and was now trying to bullshit him to gain his sympathy...

More and more it seemed that Fulton only resembled Eric in his appearance and Mike was glad of that...

Seeing he could get nowhere with him, he shook Mister Fulton's hand and walked back to his car. He wished he didn't have to deal with him, but he didn't wish to see any harm come to Fulton's family or Eric and his family, so he sighed

Part 5

Mike sighed as he drove up the driveway of the Idle's home. He had spent a half hour parked by the side of the road relaying all the information he had gathered to M. Then he had tried to contact Q to get some extra supplies shipped to him that he felt he might need and ended up getting his snotty assistant R instead. Mike had hated talking to him. If Reginald Fulton resembled Eric, then R was a dead ringer for John Cleese and was just as stuck up at times as he was...

He got out of the car and walked up to the front door. He smiled at Tania when she opened it...

"Oh hi, Mike! I'm glad you knocked just now. We're all out back by the pool and I just came inside to use the bathroom." she said laughing.

She stepped aside to let Mike pass and closed the door...

"That was a short trip." she said with a smile

Mike nodded...

"Well, I was..uh...visiting a friend near her and he had to cut our chat short. He had business to attend to." Mike said hoping he sounded convincing.

"Have you eaten? We're gonna have grilled cheese sandwiches, french fries, and milk for lunch."

Mike smiled..

"No, I haven't, actually...Grilled cheese and french fries sounds delicious actually." He said as he suddenly heard his stomach rumble.

Tania laughed as she heard his stomach...

"I better go ahead and get everything cooked!" She said. "Sounds like you are starving."

Mike laughed, a little embarrased that his stomach had been so loud. He didn't want to impose on the Idles any more than he had to...

"Would you like me to help?" He offered..

Tania laughed...

"Nah, that's okay! I got it. You go ahead and go out to the pool, if you want. I'll bring it out when i'm done."

Mike nodded and headed towards the door leading out to the pool...

"Hey, I didn't think you'd be back so soon!" Eric said looking up from his book.

"Yeah, My friend I was visiting had to cut our visit short. He had business he had to take care of."

Mike sat down in a deck chair beside Eric as he marked his place in his book. Mike smiled as he noticed Lily lounging in the deck chair on the other side of Eric. He thought she looked cute in her one piece Little Mermaid bathing suit, sunglasses and sun bonnet. As he looked at her, she leaned up and smiled at him...

"Hello peoples Mike!" she said giggling

"Hello peoples Lily!" Mike replied with a grin.

Eric laughed and looked over at Lily who had leaned back in the chair...

"You're gonna be a little raisin, before too long." He said.

Lily looked up at him and grinned...

"Like raisins daddy!" she said. "Raisin's goooooooooooooood"

Eric rolled his eyes at Mike as he chuckled.

"That wasn't what I meant, but oh least it's better than trying to talk to her and getting baby talk in return." He looked at Mike. "Do you have any plans for tonight?"

Mike shook his head...

"Nope, not at the moment."

Eric glanced over to Lily who was now singing to herself...

"We're gonna take her to the cinema to go see Aladdin. Want to come with us?"

Mike smiled..

"Sure, why not? I have nothing else to do tonight."

Suddenly, Tania appeared through the door bringing out a small tray with four plates of food and four glasses of milk. Lily looked at her and lept off her chair...

"FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" she squealed running after her mommy.

Eric chuckled and followed Lily....

"Yeah! FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" he yelled as he imitated Lily.

As they sat down at a patio table, Tania looked at Eric as she began passing out the food...

"The way you act sometimes, dear. I think Lily is more adult than you are."

As Lily giggled, Eric pouted as he bit into his grilled cheese...


Arachnia stared up at the Idles house from her car. She had parked just across the road from their driveway and had been watching for about 15 minutes...

She had tried to glean all the information she could about her dad's employer after his accident. But all the records had been sealed pending a complete investigation. Thanks to her father's employers wealth and influence, the story had been kept out of the papers also, to avoid any scandal. She had only seen him once before when his car had broken down and she had to pick him up at his employers house. He had never mentioned the man's name, being too angry about his car at the time and she had never bothered to ask her father for any details at that time or any other. She had been too caught up in her research to care about who he worked for. She was just happy that he had managed to land a job that paid well enough for him to earn a living. She regretted never asking now...

She had managed to find and capture a former gardner who used to work for the man, She tortured him for the longest time and the man had resisted before finally caving in and telling her he had moved to Los Angeles and the general area he had moved to. Before she could ask his name though, he had succumbed to the agony and died. Arachnia regretted not asking the employers name first because she had discovered to her dismay that there were two men who fit her memory of what the employer looked like...

One was named Reginald Fulton and the other, whose house she was at now, was named Eric Idle. Both of them could fit her father's employer...They both looked almost exactly alike and both of them lived in large houses and seemed to be wealthy and both of them were British and they were also around the same age as what she felt her father's employer must have been when she saw him....

Arachnia cursed to herself...She never imagined this was going to be this difficult. Which one was which? She sighed as she closed her eyes and thought. She didn't really have much of a choice, it would take too long to figure out who was who and she wasn't going to risk going up to the houses and interrogating the two men. She would just have to kidnap and kill them both. It meant taking an innocent life, but she had done that before and she could do it again. She smiled to herself...Besides it meant her children could have an extra supply of blood to feed on. She looked up at the Idles house and saw no activity. She had tired of waiting for anyone to come outside...

She decided she would go and kidnap the Fulton man first, and then once he was secured in her hideout, he would come back and kidnap Idle as well. She had seen the Fulton's security and had laughed. Nothing was going to stop her from her objective, not a gate, not security guards...nothing. Besides, she was bored and beating the Fulton's security would prove an interesting challenge. After that, the Idles house would be a piece of cake...

With a laugh, she started her car and headed off towards the Fulton estate...

Part 6

"We'll leave in an hour, okay hon?" Tania told Lily as she asked her when they were gonna go see Aladdin for the 14th time in 5 minutes.

"But, I wanna go noooooooooooow!" Lily whined in her high pitched voice.

"If you don't eat your food, we won't go at all!" Tania said firmly.

Lily stared at her for a moment before she resumed eating, with a pout on her face. Eric who had been walking through the kitchen walked over to Lily and bent down...

"Quit making that face, it might stick that way!" he said tickling her under the arms.

Lily giggled and fed Eric a bit of her soup. Eric slurped it up loudly causing Lily to giggle even more...

"You finish your dinner, alright?" he said

"Okay, daddy" Lily said back, kissing him on the cheek.

Eric returned the kiss. Leaving Lily to finish her supper, he walked into the living room and sat down beside Mike...

"Kids" he said rolling his eyes. "I hope you're up for Aladdin tonight. She tends to get excited at Disney cartoons. She might decide to squeal in your ear."

"Well, I'll just think of Jonsey when she does."

Mike and Eric laughed loudly. They laughed even more when they heard Lily in the kitchen call out..."What, daddy? What you laughing at?"...

Suddenly Mike's cell phone rang. Offering an apology to Eric, he pushed the talk button and said "Hello?"...

He recognized the voice as being Fulton's wife, Judith...

"Is this Michael Palin?" she asked nervously.....

"Yes, It is. What can I do for you?" Mike said, carefully choosing his words since Eric was next to him.

"It's my husband. He's been hurt badly. Some crazy woman managed to get through our security and attacked him. She killed two of our security guards and almost killed him. Now he's in the hospital in critical condition."

Mike sucked in his breath. He had feared this happening. He had warned Fulton to hide himself and his family and now this...

"Is everyone else alright?" Mike said aware that Eric was now staring at him and frowning...

"Yes, everyone else is fine. The fight took place outside so Angela and I were okay. It's just that Reginald went against the security men's orders and went outside to fight her herself. He seemed to know her. But, I'd never seen her before in my life. She kept screaming out revenge. She stabbed the two guards and my husband and then she tried to drag him away but the other security guards were too much for her and she finally left..."

Mike nodded.....

"Okay, I'll be over as soon as I can then."

"I'd rather you went to the hospital, Mister Palin. I think my husband might be able to talk a little and I'd rather you got to ask him some questions just in case he...." Her voice trailed off...

"I understand." Mike said softly. As Judith rattled off the hospital name and address and his room number, Mike commited it to memory not wanting to write anything down with Eric watching. As he ended the call, he looked over at Eric who was looking at him with concern....

"Everything okay?" He asked

Mike quickly thought of an excuse...

"That friend of mine. Um...he and his family were in a car wreck and he's in the hospital in critical condition."

Eric raised his eyebrows...

"That's terrible." He said, sadly.

Mike nodded....

"They want me to come out there and see him, so I don't think I can go see Aladdin tonight with you."

Eric nodded his head....

"I understand! You go ahead and see your friend and I'll explain to Tania and Lily what happened."

Mike smiled..

"Thanks, Eric."He said.

Eric nodded.

"I'll see you later on tonight then."

"Yup, have a good time at the cinema"Mike said.

Eric walked him to the door and waited until he was in his car and safely down the driveway before he closed the door. Sighing, he went to tell his family the news....


Mike paused outside the door of Fulton's hospital room. He hated to ask him questions after all he had been through, but he had to know the exact details of what happened...lives depended on it. He entered the darkened room. Much to his relief, Fulton was the only one in the room at the moment. He was in the bed by the window and as Mike walked towards him, he winced as he saw the amount of damage Arachnia had inflicted on him. He was on oxygen and struggling to breath. The right side of his face had scratch marks down it where Arachnia had raked her fingernails down his cheek. He had his blanket pulled up almost to his neck so Mike could see no other wounds, but he could imagine the kind of punishment he had took from her...

"Mister Fulton?" Mike said, hesitantly.

Reginald opened one eye slowly. Mike could tell that he had been given a pain killing drug. He tried to keep his questions simple...

"What happened?" he asked leaning down closer as Reginald struggled to speak...

"You were right...I should have listened to you." Reginald whispered in his ear.

He took a gulp of air before continuing....

"She's after someone else. She boasted about it before she stabbed me...Some guy named Eric."

Mike felt his blood go cold. All his fears were coming true. He nodded and rose from Reginald's bedside....

"I have to go....I have to stop her." Mike said.

He paused as he felt Fulton grab his arm....

"I have something else to tell you." Fulton whispered.

Mike furrowed his brow and leaned down....putting his ear next to Fulton's lips...

"I've lied to you. I've lied to everyone....Her father wasn't drunk. The brakes were out on the car, but I just kept putting off getting them serviced until it was too late. She had every right to blame me, but I let an innnocent man take the blame that belonged to me and now because of me, two men are dead and this Eric is in danger. Please save him, so I won't have his blood on his hands too..."

Mike was taken aback by this information, but he knew it would do no good to get angry at him now. Eric was in trouble and every moment counted. He nodded at Fulton....

"I'll do everything in my power to save him." he said.

Fulton sighed and closed his eye as Michael hurried out of the room.....


Mike hurried to the Idle's house as fast as he could. His mind raced hoping against hope that he was not too late. He finally reached the house and sped up the driveway. His eyes widened as he noticed the front door hanging open....

"Oh God, no!" Mike cried out.....

Part 7

Mike rushed up to the front door, his mind swirling with tormented thoughts...

*Why did he leave them alone?*

He ran throught he front door calling out for Eric, Lily and Tania. Hoping against hope that they had managed to escape...

"ERIC! TANIA! LILY! ANSWER ME!" he cried out in the deafening silence...

His head jerked up as he heard a door opening upstairs. Drawing his gun, he ran up the stairs, taking two at a time until he had reached the top. He turned into the hallway and walked along slowly pausing beside each door and peeking around the corner checking each room for intruders....

Suddenly he heard the door opening again. Determining it was coming from the next room, he inched up to it and held his gun up to his face. Quickly he spun around into the room pointing the gun in front of him. He immediately lowered it as he saw Tania's head peeking out of a bedroom closet...

Mike breathed a sigh of relief as Tania opened the door, nervously. Behind her, Mike could see Lily huddled in a baby blanket, her eyes wide and fearful....

"Michael, Oh thank God! I thought she'd come back for us.." Tania said softly.

Suddenly her eyes widened and brimmed with tears...

"Eric? Where's Eric? Did you see him anywhere?"

As Mike shook his head 'no', Tania lowered her head into her hands and began to cry. Lily came up beside her and laid her head on her side and hugged her tightly...

"Don't cry, mommy." she pleaded, in a small voice.

Tania looked up and seeing her daughter's sorrow, forgot her own tears and hugged her back, comforting her...Mike put his hand on Tania's shoulder and Tania looked at him sadly..

"What happened?" he asked, as gently as he could...

Tania swallowed back her tears and took a deep breath...

"I was in the kitchen with Lily. Eric was in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden. There was this horrible pounding on the door, like someone was trying to break it down. I came out into the living room and Eric waved me back while he went to investigate. All of a sudden, I hear Eric telling me to get Lily upstairs and hide. I asked him what was going on, but Eric wouldn't say, he just screamed for us to hide. I grabbed Lily and went up the back stairs and just as I was going up, I heard someone kick in the front door and I heard Eric screaming at them to get out. I paused for a moment with Lily and all I could hear after that was the sounds of struggling and furniture breaking and a woman's voice yelling at Eric that she was gonna get him. Lily began to get frightened, so I just kept on running up the stairs so no one would hear her if she started crying and calling for daddy. We made it to this bedroom without anyone seeing us and I tried that phone over there but it was dead. So I grabbed Lily's favorite blanket and put it around her and ran in here and shut the door. After that, we just huddled together in the darkness until I heard you calling us. I didn't answer right away though, because I was afraid it might be a trick to make us come downstairs too. I'm sorry about that..."

Mike patted her shoulder...

"No...It's alright! I understand completely. I'm just glad you and Lily are safe..."

Tania began to cry again...

"Oh God, Mike. What have they done to him? Who would want to take him? He had no enemies that I knew of. We're friends with everyone in this neighborhood. If it was a deranged fan, he never told me he was in danger. Unless, he didn't know himself..."

Mike sighed deeply...

"She's not a fan, Tania. Eric's not even her actual target. She took him because he resembles another man who lives about 20 minutes away from here. This other man is who she's really after, but since she didn't have a name for him, she had to try to take them both...."

Tania looked at him...

"How do you know this?..."

Eric reached around and pulled his ID out of his back pocket and showed it to her...

"I'm with the British Secret Service...I'm a spy."

Tania stared at it uncomprehendingly. She looked up at Mike...

"A...spy? But, You are a python, like my husband..."

Mike nodded....

"Yes, I joined the Secret Service a few years after completing Meaning of Life. They contacted me because they wanted someone who was well known, someone the bad guys would never suspect as being a spy. They trained me and I've been on missions for them for about 3 years now. In fact, these travel shows I've done were fronts for those spy operations...."

Tania sat in stunned silence.

"I..can't believe this..." she finally said

Mike nodded...

"It's true. I was sent here to try to protect someone from a woman who calls herself Black Widow. The man she's after could pass for Eric...It's uncanny how much he looks like him....She was here to kill him because she wanted revenge for the death of her father, but she didn't know his name. So she had to take both him and Eric to be sure she got the right one...She failed at getting the right guy and that's where I was this afternoon. She stabbed him and he's in the hospital in critical condition. I went there to try to get some information out of him and she had told him that she was on her way to get Eric...I hurried here as fast as I could, but I was too late...."

Tania's eyes widened...

"He's in the hospital? Do you think Eric might have been taken there too? And right now, he's hurt and..." Her voice trailed off and she sobbed as she finished the thought in her head.

Mike squeezed her shoulder...

"I'll check there...It's a longshot, but It's better to know for sure, so we can eliminate it if he isn't there. Do you have anywhere you can go with Lily?"

Tania nodded...

"I have a cousin and his wife who live a few miles from here..." she said

"Good, I want you to show me how to get there and I'll drop you and Lily off there. I want to see you safely there before I try to look for Eric..." He handed Tania his cell phone. " Here you can contact them with this and make sure they are home and willing to take you..."

"Thank you, Michael." Tania said taking the phone. She looked up at him..."Do you think I should tell them about Eric?"

Mike shook his head...

"Not yet, Not until we're sure what happened to him. Just tell them Eric is going away for a few days on business and wanted you and Lily to stay there so you wouldn't be alone..."

Tania nodded and dialed the number. Mike watched as she spoke and raised his eyebrows as she ended the call...

"They say it's alright...They want to see Lily anyway. They haven't seen us in awhile."Tania said, managing a small smile.

Mike gave her a reassuring grin as he took the cell phone from her. Suddenly, he looked down as Lily touched his knee...

"You find daddy?" she asked softly.

Mike wrapped his arms around her and held her tight....

"I will, honey. I'm gonna find daddy. Don't worry." He watched Tania smile as Lily hugged his neck...

"I love you, peoples Mike" she whispered in his ear...

Mike chuckled softly and kissed her on the cheek...

"I love you too, peoples Lily." He said.

Part 8

Eric awoke with a throbbing headache. The last thing he remembered was that crazy bitch bringing one of the kitchen chairs down on his head. He tried to move and frowned when he found he couldn't. He raised his head up and saw he was laid out on a metal lab table, his body naked and encased, mummy-like in what looked like webbing. He looked around the room and noticed there was a lighted display case in the wall to his right. Inside the case, there were about 20 black widow spiders resting comfortably in their individual webs. There was nothing else in the room except for a small metal cabinet He leaned his head back against the table and sighed....

Suddenly a door slid open and the woman entered smirking at Eric as she crossed over to the display case. He watched as she slid the glass back and reached inside. Closing the glass back, she locked it and turned around to reveal that she had one of the spiders resting on her hand. As she slinked toward Eric, she stroked the spiders back....

"I see you're awake" she purred.

Eric narrowed his eyes at her as she smirked at him...

"Who are you? What do you want?" He asked.

Arachnia leaned over and looked into Eric's blue eyes...

"I am the Black Widow and what I want is revenge." She said tracing his cheek with her finger.

Eric stared at her in confusion...

"Revenge? What have I done to you that you would want revenge on me?" He asked

He gasped as Archnia's hand went from his cheek to his throat....

"You know damn well why I'm wanting revenge, you son of a bitch! You're the reason my father's dead!"

"What?" Eric gasped out, even more confused...

Arachnia paused and released her grip on Eric's throat. She watched as Eric gasped and began to get a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She could tell when someone was lying to her and when she looked into Eric's eyes, she could see he was genuinely confused. She bit her bottom lip as she began to think that maybe she had gone after the right man in the first place. She leaned down towards Eric's face again. As he flinched and looked away, she grabbed his face and brought his head back around to face her...

"Did you have a chauffer who was killed in an automobile accident while driving your limosene?" she asked.

Eric stared at her...

"No!" He said. " I've never had a limosene in my life. I drive myself!"

Archnia let go at his face and paced around the room as Eric watched her. He raised his eyebrows as he heard her begin to talk to herself...

"Shit, I musta got the wrong one. That damn son of a bitch, I had him and then he had to slip through my fingers and now I'm stuck with a lookalike...what the hell am I gonna do with him? Shit, Arachnia, you've screwed up this time...." Arachnia paused, stroking the spider on her hand as she thought......"He probably went to the hospital...If he hasn't died already and by God, he better not have died and deprived me of my revenge...."

Eric stared at her. He couldn't believe he was in a gigantic cocoon and listening to an insane woman rant about how she had gotten the wrong man because he was a lookalike.....lookalike to whom though? he didn't know anyone personally who looked like him. He hoped that she didn't have Tania and Lily somewhere in the building. He hated to think of them cocooned like he was and terrified. He decided to risk injury and speak up...

"Um..." He began hesitantly. He watched as Arachnia snapped out of her thoughts and whirled around to face him. "If you got the wrong man, could you please let me go?"

Arachnia stared at him and Eric gulped wondering if any moment she was going to lash out at him. Instead, she began to shake her head......

"I can't do that."

"Why not?" Eric asked

"You'll tell what you've seen."

"I won't, I promise you!" Eric said in desparation. "I won't tell anyone what I've seen!"

Arachnia shook her head....

"I can't be sure you are who you say you are, anyway. She said. I need to determine if the other man is still alive and make sure I have the right one..."

"I told you! I don't know anything about your father!" Eric yelled out.

He stiffened as Arachnia walked towards him and began to stroke his cheek....

"You sound convincing, but i've known some convincing liars too. I want to make sure I have the right man. So I want you to be a good boy while I go get the other one..."

"And what then?" Eric asked,trying to flinch away from her touch.

"Well, as I said before...even if I have the right man, I can't have people knowing about this place, can I? So i'll probably have to kill you both..." she smiled sweetly at Eric's horrified expression..."Oh, but your deaths will not be in vain. Your blood will feed my children here for a long while to come." she gestured towards the display case......."Now if you'll excuse me, I'll have to go and check on the other man..."

She walked back to the display case and opened it. As she put the spider back on his web, Eric raised his head and yelled out....

"You'll never get away with this! There are people who will be looking for me and the other man will probably have people looking for him too!"

Arachnia closed the door to the display case and turned towards him.....

"Then perhaps I should eliminate the people who care about you and him as well!...."

She opened the door and walked out, smirking as she closed the door on Eric's scream.......
Part 9
Arachnia pulled up and parked into a spot at the hospital. She wasn't completely sure if this was the right hospital. But it was close to where the man's house had been and she figured they would want to get him to the closest one. Especially since she had left him near death when she was finally forced to give up.

She sat in her car for a moment trying to think of what to do. Finally she just decided to improvise and hope that she had chosen the right hospital. She got out of the car and quickly walked towards the entrance. Upon entering, she saw an information desk with a young man sitting behind it working on some paperwork. She put on a fake smile and walked up to him. As she approached, the young man looked up.

"May I help you?" He said cheerfully.

"Um, yes...I'm looking for someone who was admitted earlier today. I think he may be in critical condition."

"Okay." The man said picking up a clipboard and looking at it. "His name?..." The man paused waiting for the reply and then looked up to see the woman with a panicked look on her face. "Ma'am? His name?" He said pointing to the clipboard.

"Um...I'm not sure of his name but he was stabbed earlier today..." Arachnia said, suddenly wondering if she got the right hospital. She cursed silently for passing up another opportunity to learn the man's name. "Is there anyone who was admitted with a stab wound earlier?" she asked him. She quickly gave the man's address. She had noticed as the man lowered his clipboard that the patients addresses were listed as well as the name.

The young man glared at her.

"Ma'am are you related to this person? If he's in critical condition, i'm sure only family members will be admitted." he said

Arachnia sighed. She was tired of this shit. Quickly, she grabbed the confused man around the neck and twisted it, breaking it with a loud snap. As the man fell behind the desk, Arachnia grabbed the clipboard from his hands and began to scan the addresses. She grinned as she saw the man's address listed...

*Hmmm, Reginald Fulton, so that's your name!* she thought as she noted the room number.

She leaned across the dress and looked at the corpse of the young man sprawled on the floor.

"Thanks for all your help!" she said sweetly.

Leaning back up, she made her way to the elevators.


Mike pulled up outside the hospital and quickly got out of the car. He ran towards the door, praying he wasn't too late. He ran through the door and paused, taking a look around. He couldn't see anyone in the lobby. His eyes settled on the empty information desk. He stared at it and shrugged thinking that the person on duty had taken a break. He ran past the desk to the elevator and pushed the up button.


The elevator door opened and Arachnia stepped into the hallway of the critical care unit. She saw a room directory on the wall across from her. She pressed in the open button to lock the elevator door,In case security discovered the dead man and tried to come after her. She then walked over and studied the directory, trying to figure out where Fulton's room was. She smiled as she finally found the room number and the directions to get to it. Soon he would be hers. The smile faded into a frown as she suddenly wondered how she was going to get him out of the hospital without raising suspicion. Suddenly, her head turned as she saw a nurse pushing a meds cart pass by her. She looked down at her cart and noticed she had a little vial sitting on the top containing morpheneand a syringe. Arachnia smiled to herself.

*Time for another snapped neck...* she though as she began to follow her.


Mike sighed as he stood waiting for the elevator to come Impatiently, he pressed the up button several times before giving up and searching for the door to the stairs.


Aracnia emerged from the restroom dressed in the nurses outfit. She had come up behind her so fast, she never even had time to react before Arachnia snapped her neck. After shoving her dead body and the med cart into the restroom. She pocketed the morphene and the syringe and headed towards Fulton's room. After a moment,she finally saw the room number and smiled when she read Fulton's name under it.

*Now you're mine!* she thought.

She glanced to the right and saw a gurney sitting against the wall ready for use. Arachnia's grin widened as she grabbed it and brought it into the room with her.

Her eyes blinked trying to adjust to the dimness in the room as she walked towards Fulton's bed. He was pale as the sheet he was lying under and his breath came in short gasps,but he was alive. She ran a finger down his cheek marvelling at his resemblance to Eric.

"Wake up!"she commanded.

Fulton opened his eyes slowly. Arachnia grinned as his eyes widened in shock and fear as he saw who it was.

"I see you remember me." she said

She giggled at Fulton's feeble attempt to reach the call button. She grabbed it and threw it across the room.

"Now, now...we don't want everyone in here spoiling this reunion, do we?" she said with a chuckle.

"Leave me...alone." he pleaded. "I'm...gonna....die soon. You'll...have..your revenge then." he gasped out.

Arachnia shook her head.

"NO!" she said forcefully. "You are going to die by my hand, not comfortable in some hospital bed." she pulled out the vial and syringe and filled half of it with morphene. "This will hurt, trust me!" she said jamming it into his jugular vein. She watched as he spasmed for a moment and then relaxed in sleep. Laughing, she brought the gurney next to the bed and lifted him up on it.

Part 10

Mike hurried to the elevator and saw with relief that Arachnia had hit the stop button stopping the elevator there. Mike rushed in and pulled out the stop button. As the doors closed he rapidly punched the button for the first floor.

"C'mon, c'mon...hurry up."he said, impatiently, as the elevator hummed downwards.

He breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator door finally opened. He stepped out into the lobby and quickly flattened himself against the wall as he noticed Arachnia walking out the front door wheeling a gurney with Fulton on it. Mike waited until she was through the door before he followed. He got to the door and snuck out keeping to the trees and the bushes as he observed Arachnia wheeling Fulton to a black Honda Civic.

Mike ran from car to car heading towards the one he had driven. He hoped that Arachnia wouldn't turn and look his way as she struggled to get the unconcious Fulton into the back seat of the car. He finally reached his car and cautiously opened the drivers side door and slid in, keeping low as he watched Arachnia finish loading Fulton into the car.

Finally she finished and slammed the door giving a smug grin to Fulton's unconcious form as she walked around to the drivers side. Mike slouched down inside the car until he could barely see out the window. He listened as Arachnia started her car and after a moment he saw her pass by him and out of the parking lot. Mike straightened up and started his car. Pulling out of the parking space, he began to follow her keeping a reasonable distance from her car so she wouldn't suspect she was being followed.


Finally after what seemed like ages, Mike finally saw her stop at an old crumbling house. He had had to pull back even farther after they had left the city and a couple of times he had almost lost her on the winding country roads. As he saw her get out of the car, he turned off his headlights and inched slowly up the road towards the house stopping just behind a group of trees. He turned off the car and watched as she pulled Fulton out of the back seat. As she struggled to get Fulton in the house, Mike reached over and grabbed his gun and tool kit from the glove compartment. He checked to make sure the gun was loaded and tucked it into his pants along with the tool kit. He sighed as he collected his thoughts. He hoped that when he got in there, he would be able to find Eric...alive.


Eric raised his head as he saw the steel door slide open. He glared hatefully at Arachnia as she wheeled in a lab table next to him. Arachnia grinned at him.

"Aw, C'mon...Don't be that way!" she said.

"You better pray I don't find a way out of this gunk you have over me, because if I do, i'm gonna ring your fucking neck." Eric spat out.

Arachnia giggled at him.

"I doubt if you even make a dent in that webbing, let alone escape." she mocked him.

Her face softened as she noticed Eric trying to hold back tears.

"Oh, Don't cry. I brought someone to keep you company." she said stroking his cheek.

Eric flinched and glared at her which amused Arachnia even more. She stepped aside and let Eric see Fulton. Her amused smile widened even more as she saw Eric's eyes widened in shock.

"Look like anyone you know?" she cooed.

"Bloody Hell." Eric said, flabbergasted. "He..."

"Looks like you? Yes, I know. Now you understand my confusion." Arachnia said.

Eric stared in silent awe at Fulton. To him, it was almost like looking in a mirror. He wondered if any of his friends had ever seen Fulton and thought it was him. His brow furrowed as he listened to Fulton's labored breathing. He could tell that Fulton was near death. He felt his anger rise as he though of how twisted Arachnia had to be to kidnap a man about to die so she could kill him herself.

"So now that you have us, what are you planning to do to us?" Eric asked.

Arachnia smiled at him and pointed towards the display case.

"You are going to feed my children."she said.

"How? Are you gonna just throw us in there?" Eric asked, keeping a worried eye on Fulton as his breathing became more ragged by the moment.

"No! Silly boy. You might crush some of my babies if I did that." she said, with a grin.

Eric watched as she slipped out the door and returned a moment later lugging a huge glass tank on wheels. She wheeled it in between Fulton and Eric and reached around the side of the tank. She brought her arm around and Eric saw she was holding onto a long black piece of tubing with a long needle attached to the end.

"I'm going to stick this needle in your jugular veins and drain your blood into this tank. Then I can use the blood to feed my children." she said as she pointed to the needle. "Then after I'm done, I'll just dump your bodies in a ditch. It would be a shame for your families not to find you and give you a proper burial."

She noticed the tears glistening in Eric's eyes and she reached down to stroke her cheek.

"Don't worry. I'm going to sedate you so you won't even feel the needle going in. You'll go peacefully."

"What about my wife and daughter?" Eric said. "Don't you think they'll suffer knowing I was murdered?"

Arachnia glared at him.

"My father was murdered by him." she said pointing to Fulton. " I survived, and so will they."

"And do you think our deaths are going to make your father proud of you?"Eric spat out. "Do you think your father would want you to murder people in his name?"

"My father would want justice done!" Arachnia yelled at him. "The courts didn't dispense justice so I'm going to! I'm going to be judge, jury and executioner! My father would want me to avenge his death."

"And what about me? I've never hurt you or your father in any way. Do you think he would approve of you killing an innocent person as well?"

Arachnia's face fell.

"No, No he wouldn't" she admitted. "But I hope he will forgive me. I can't let you go, and let you tell the world what you've seen. There is no other choice except to kill you." She put the hose back on the side of the tank. "Now if you'll excuse me. I'll go and get the sedative. I will give you a painless death." Without another word, she turned and walked out the door.

Part 11

Eric laid his head back on the table. He grunted as he tried to loosen himself from the webbing.

"Shit!" he said as it didn't budge.

He sighed deeply as images of Tania and Lily crying at his funeral filled his head. He heard footsteps and he gritted his teeth preparing for the worse.


He raised his head up and looked over in shock as Mike stood in the doorway.

"Mike? What the hell are you doing here?" Eric asked, confused.

Mike shook his head as he ran over to him.

"There's no time to explain. I gotta get you outta here!"

He examined the webbing around Eric and frowned. He reached down and grabbed his took kit. He opened the kit and held up a small vial and an eye dropper.

"What's that?" Eric asked, staring at the vial

"Sulfuric Acid." Mike said, carefully unscrewing the lid on the vial.

Eric's eyes widened

"Sulfuric Acid? What the hell are you gonna do with it?" Eric asked.

"I'm gonna put a little on the webbing and hope it eats through it." Mike said.

"What if the stuff eats through me as well?"

Mike stared at him.

"Do you have a better idea?" he asked him.

Eric stared at him and slowly shook his head.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Mike" he said.

"I'm not gonna put that much on you, so hopefully it'll stop once it gets through the webbing." Mike said.

He put the eye dropper filled with acid over the webbing and carefully spread the acid in a line over his stomach. They both watched as the acid hissed and smoked and began to dissolve the webbing. Satisfied that the acid was working, Mike hurried over to Fulton and examined him. Eric looked over at him.

"How is he?"he asked Mike.

Mike frowned.

"Not good, he needs to be back in the hospital or he won't last long." he said.

He walked back to Eric and examined the hole the acid was making in the webbing. He reached into his tool kit and grabbed a small scalpel. He leaned over the hole.

"Won't that get caught in the webbing?"Eric asked.

"No, It's specially coated so nothing sticks to it."

"Where did you get that?" Eric asked.

Mike didn't answer. Instead, he began to saw away at the webbing. He smiled as he saw the razor sharp scalpel was working. The hole made by the acid was made even bigger now from the scalpel.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Mike spun around to see Arachnia standing in the door way, vial and syringe in hand. She looked from Fulton to Eric and her eyes narrowed when she saw the hole in the webbing.

"Who are you? How did you get in here?" she asked, advancing towards Mike.

Mike pulled the gun from his pants and aimed it at her heart.

"I'm Michael Palin, Agent 005 of the British Secret Service. Arachnia Phelps, you are under arrest for murder, kidnapping and attempted murder"

Arachnia's eyes widened in shock. She glanced over at Eric who was staring at Mike, just as shocked as she was. She looked back at Mike and gritted her teeth.

"No, you are not going to deny me my revenge!" she said.

Mike widened his eyes as she suddenly lunged towards him. He reeled back as she caught him on the chin with her fist. As Mike fell to the floor, Arachnia kicked the gun out of his hands and ran past him to the tank and grabbed the tubing. She waved it at Mike's face as he quickly lept to his feet.

"I guess I'll just have to take your blood as well!" he said jabbing the needle towards Mike's neck. Mike dodged left and right as she tried again and again to stab him in the neck. Suddenly, Arachnia kicked up and caught Mike in the chest sending him crashing against the wall. Mike shook his head, dazed and quickly stepped to the side of Arachnia lunged at him with the needle narrowly missing him. She howled in anger and made another lunge. Mike ducked and quickly brought his fist up decking her in the face. Arachnia fell backwards and landed on the floor with a loud smack. Roaring, she lept to her feet.

"You'll pay for that!" she screamed.

She advanced towards Mike and then paused when she noticed a smug grin on his face.

"What are you grinning at?" she asked.

She suddenly heard a click behind her. She turned slowly and saw Eric pointing the gun at her head.

"That's what I was grinning at." Mike said.

Arachnia's eyes widened and she looked over to the webbing. Her mouth fell open as she noticed it was split all the way open. She looked at Eric.

"How did you escape?"

Eric grinned.

"Thanks to Mike's sulfuric acid and scalpel, that webbing was weakened enough for me to break out. Now I think it's your turn to be restrained until the police can take you away."

Arachnia snarled at him

"NEVER!" she said, as she lunged at him.

Mike ran towards her as she fought to get the gun out of Eric's hands. Suddenly Mike stopped as he heard a loud bang. Arachnia fell to the floor dead, a bullet lodged in her brain and her finger on the trigger. Eric looked at her and up at Mike.

"I couldn't stop her, she tried to pry my fingers lose and ended up squeezing the trigger instead."

Mike nodded.

"I don't think anyone could stop her, she was past the point of sanity. Her thirst for vengence did her in" he said.

He looked over at Fulton and back at Eric.

"We need to get him to the hospital...and we need to get you some clothes."

Part 12

After they had gotten Fulton back to the hospital, they had made a call to the police informing them of the whereabouts of Arachnia's hideout. Then they drove to Tania's cousin's house where Eric was reunited with Tania and Lily who held him and refused to let him go until Eric laughed and told them he was having trouble breathing.

"Oh my darling, I thought I'd never see you again!"Tania said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Same here, love!" Eric said, kissing her back.

Eric then reached down and lifted Tania up, showering her face with kisses as she giggled.

"Love ya, daddy!"she said

"Love ya too, you little ferret." Eric said, holding her close.

Lily looked at him.

"Can we go see Aladdin now?" she asked.

The room erupted in laughter.


Mike sighed, as he stepped out of the Idle's shower. He dried off the water from his body and began to get dressed. It had been a week since the rescue and he had stayed to help the Idle's clean up the mess Arachnia had caused. They had also went to check on Fulton who was now out of danger and was improving rapidly. The doctors assured them and Fulton's family that Fulton would make a full recovery and be home within a month.

A few days after they had gotten home, they had finally taken Lily to see Aladdin as well. They all went together and went out to eat after the movie. Lily spent most of the conversation telling everyone how much she loved the movie, and Mike smiled as he watched Eric smile at Lily as she gushed beside him.


I hate to see you go."Eric said, as Mike put his suitcase in the back of his car. "It was nice to see you again, even if you ended up having to come rescue me from that crazy bitch."

Mike laughed.

"Well, look at it this way. Think of the stories you could tell Lily when she gets older."

Eric snorted.

"Um...I think that's gonna be one story I'm gonna forget." he said, with a grin.

Mike looked up as he heard Lily yell out. He smiled as he saw her running towards the car followed by Tania. Mike bent down and scooped Lily up in his arms.

"Don't go, Peoples Mike." she said giving him a hug

Mike chuckled.

"I have to go, honey. But, I want you to take care of mommy and daddy for me, okay?"

Lily pouted.

"Ooooooh, okay."she said, reluctantly.

Mike held her close and Lily threw her arms around his neck.

"Bye bye, Peoples Mike."she said in his ear.

"Bye bye, Peoples Lily." he said,kissing her cheek.

He finished hugging her and sat he back on the ground. Lily looked at him and then ran to Eric taking his hand as she stood at his side. Tania walked up and hugged Mike.

"Give Helen my love." she said.

Mike returned the hug.

"I will!" he said.

She stepped back and looked at him.

"Does she know you're a spy?" she asked.

Mike shifted his feet.

", she thinks I've been traveling all over the world doing those travel documentaries just like the rest of the world...except you guys. You are the only ones who know my secret."

Eric laughed.

"You don't have to worry about us. I doubt anyone would believe us anyway if we told them."

Mike nodded. He took one last look at the Idles and got in the car. Starting it, he backed down the driveway, waving at the Idles as they waved back. Smiling to himself, he drove away from their house towards LAEX to catch a flight home.