Best
Friends Forever, Chapter Four (Add a 2000 to that 4 and you have the
year
of the monkey! Isn't math fun?)
Author's
Note: Hey people. It appears my word documents have a *scoff* content
limit.
Well, here's an awkward cliffhanger because it won't let me write the
paragraph
needed to quench your thirst for a while. Enjoy!
Jake and Marcia showed up right on time, letting Nadia feel better
about
leaving Eric. He looked a bit worried as she walked to the underground
station,
bag hanging off her shoulder in a dignified way. She was an
intimidating figure
and she walked with confidence, so it was no wonder that when she
walked into the
offices at Cambridge, the school board
overlooked her
hair and tattoo. They saw an individual, and her lesson plan and
disciplinary
plan were fool-proof. Nervous as she was, Nadia could talk her way from
anything.
"What about consistent absences?" Asked one of the younger
school-board officials.
Nadia smiled. "They will need to make up the work and hand in
independent
study guides to me regarding what they missed. Also, after class
'detention' so
to speak would be awarded to those with no excuses or those who refuse
to turn
in the study guides."
Nodding to one another, they thanked Nadia for coming in,
glad they had an opportunity to see some of her work as well. She
collected the
two canvases and the framed sketch of her brother before collecting her
papers
and exiting into the street, walking back to the underground as if she
had all
the time in the world. As she sat on the plush seat and tried to warn
others
getting on the stuffy compartment not to sit in the gum stuck to the
seat, she
felt an overwhelming nervousness envelope her. If she got this job come
August,
she'd probably move about half an hour farther away from London to live
just off
campus, probably
live alone and be a spinster of sorts, and probably have to make all
new
friends with her schedule. She had asked for the opportunity to grade
students'
work, which is always hard. She couldn't look at their flesh and blood
and say
they couldn't draw to save their lives, she
had to
look for effort, perspective, and attempt. She also had to open their
eyes to
the many ways you can express yourself in the world, and she was
prepared to
show them everything she knew, which is why the school board decided
she was
the one that day even though they had no less than a dozen more young,
fresh
faces to go through before they decided that fateful day in August, one
week
before terms started up.
Eric pouted his lip as he walked into the street, hands in pockets. He
wasn't
exactly in a bad mood, per se, he just didn't feel like walking all the
way to
his car, driving all the way to the BBC, pouring all his dignity into a
woman's
dress, wrestling in mud, showering, and trekking back home. It seemed
like too
much for an afternoon, and to top it all off Nadia had just told him
she might
be moving even further away, and just when he thought she was starting
to see
him for what he was. He sighed and kept moving, the car pulling left
and right
as his thoughts plowed on at the speed of light, dismissing ideas and
such as
he went along.
As he climbed out of the car and forced a grin at the other five men,
all
dolled up for the show, he felt a sad sense of realisation
hit him. Was he being greedy asking that Nadia not get the job she'd
dreamed
about since she was six years old just because he wanted her closer and
available?
Or was he being fair by begging the forces out there to fail her from
that
course so she could see that she didn't need that job to be happy? Life
isn't
supposed to be a game of chance with the roll of the dice; it's a game
of
strategy and luck, of cheating and playing fair. It's a puzzle that
fits
together one way but you have your entire life to fit all the pieces
together.
It appeared he'd cheated and ended up pulling up a card that told him
his life
was going to tell him what he didn't want to hear to make it more
dramatic. He
pulled the puzzle piece he'd tried to force into the slot out and slid
it
around, gently fitting it where it needed to be.
"Come on, Idle, let's get this show on the
road!" John tossed a floral dress at Eric.
He groaned and pulled the fabric off his head. "Whoever is writing
these
needs to DIE,"
Mike gave him a bemused look before aiming his pointer finger at Eric
and
stating quite calmly, "Bang!"
Grabbing the "wound" protectively, Eric keeled over to the ground,
letting the pumps John dropped next to
him clatter
away. It was going to be a very long day.
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
"To a new job!" Lexi lifted her glass. Nadia copied the gesture and
toasted her own interview, downing some champagne eagerly. She lifted a
finger
and got up, answering the door to Jon, who appeared with a grin, a big
hug
ready for her. The three of them sat down together, drinking, talking,
laughing, congratulating.
Jon's eyes sparkled. "I'm dating my professor, if you really think
about
it."
Nadia narrowed her eyes at him. "You better not drop my class this
time,
buddy!"
He grinned and kissed her cheek, trying not to be too clingy with Lexi
staring
at the two of them, smiling when they did something cute. Just as Lexi
opened
her mouth to speak, the phone rang and she answered it, face drawn up
in a
worried way.
She hung up and grabbed her purse and a handful of change. "My witness
showed up for the rape case, be back by one
thirty tonight, I promise. If
we have any
leftover wine leave it out; I'm gonna need
it."
She said quickly, exiting with her shoes barely on. Nadia shrugged and
rinsed
out Lexi's glass surprised to feel Jon's arms sneak up around her
shoulders,
one floating down around her waist as he kissed her neck. Once again,
Nadia
wasn't stupid. It had hardly been three days and he was giving her all
the
signs that he wanted a sexual relationship, signs she didn't
particularly
return or entice, but accept and put up with. She wasn't sure if she
wanted to
give him what he craved just yet, though she felt a
strength
in him with her intuition, one that boasted he would take care of her.
There
was always something sneaky about him, however, and he never seemed to
be
comfortable out during the day as if he was afraid someone would
recognize him
and ask him why he was standing next to the woman with the tattoo on
her foot
and the square-framed glasses. She almost felt he was embarrassed by
her,
something she never surmised when Eric took her out.
"You alright?" He asked, feeling her shoulders tense.
She turned around and looked him in the eye. "You'll take care of me,
right? I'm not just here, am I?"
He smiled, looked her straight in the eye, and lied. "Of course I'll
take
care of you."
Nadia nodded and turned around, putting the dried glass back in the
cupboard,
squeaking as Jon lifted her off her feet. She giggled as he spun her
around,
feeling all thought-process stop.
"You're going to be the greatest Surrealism In
the Arts teacher ever, Nadia." He said evenly, smiling as she grinned
at
him.
She felt warm and loved, her fingers playing over her shirt buttons.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Now let's celebrate." He lifted her off her feet and waited
for a response. Deciding to get over herself, Nadia kissed Jon and
allowed him
to close the door behind him as he walked to her room. She was in
control of
the situation, and almost certain she knew what she was doing. This
wasn't her
first time, and it wasn't going to be the last. She was prepared with
birth
control pills being taken, and yet she hadn't exactly been prepared for
this.
Instead of being unprepared though, she was just startled as he laid
her down
on the cool sheets in her dark room and kissed her hungrily. It was a
little
strange to her, skipping from first date, to second, to snogging
in a car, straight to sex. It wasn't too fast for her though, she'd
made
mistakes she'd rather not relive, and he had said he'd take care of
her. The
door locked and bolted, Nadia allowed him to do as he wished.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Nadia sat on the roof, cigarette hanging out of her mouth, drink in
hand, shirt
hanging off her shoulders feebly. She sipped the drink and tried to
focus on
the bright white circle rising out of the trees. She hardly ever
smoked, and
she didn't like drinking to escape or to enhance, but tonight had been
different. Tonight she had discovered that not all men make an
impression on
women, not all men make things a night to remember. It had been all
about him,
and she hadn't even cared.
Sipping from the glass again, Nadia paused. "What a fucking pisser,"
she muttered as Lexi's window slid open.
She sat next to Nadia, lighting her own cigarette, pouring herself a
glass of
liquor as well. They sat in silence for a moment before Lexi spoke. "My
witness cut her own throat with a letter opener on my desk. All my
files, all
my evidence, destroyed. I have no case and this guy is a repeating
offender of
sexual crimes."
"All's fair in sex and warfare," Nadia said slowly, taking a long
drag from her cigarette.
Lexi looked at Nadia curiously. "Is Jon here?"
"Yeah, sleeping off all his 'efforts.'" Nadia replied sarcastically.
"'Let's celebrate,' he says." She threw her head back and laughed,
putting out what was left of her cigarette before drinking some more
from her
glass.
"Well, maybe it'll take some time. Some couples aren't in love because
of
the sex, you know." Lexi retorted wisely.
Nadia smiled weakly. "Most couples will agree, though. Most couples
agree
that sex enhances a relationship and should strengthen a bond between
two
people, if you're in love." She laughed again. "Well, I just fell out
of something I wasn't even in."
"That's the liquor talking, honey. I bet he was just too excited to
provide for you!" Lexi rubbed Nadia's back gently.
Nadia laughed gently, real humor back in her thoughts. "I was never one
of
the girly girls that would want to hug and touch and cuddle after
anything, but
I discovered you can reverse that even."
"How so?"
"Think about, Lexi. If I'm already not one to want to 'cuddle' after
sex,
what's the reverse? He didn't even want to know I was there." She
replied.
Lexi squirmed. "I repeat, maybe he was too excited to notice you."
"Damnit, Lexi, if you're right then I
shouldn't
even be talking to him! Too excited to notice me, fuck! I was the
fucking woman
letting him fucking touch me!" She stood up, kicking the empty bottle
to
the street corner below where it shattered.
Her window slid open and Jon's head poked out. Lexi jerked behind her
window
ledge where Jon couldn't see her and observed Nadia and Jon's
interaction.
"Hey, baby, what's goin' on?" He yawned.
Nadia tensed. "Oh, you better know what's going on, shithead!
If you can't figure it out I'm going to kill you!" She stumbled up to
her
feet.
Jon caught her as she lunged at him and cradled her. "You've been
drinking, baby, it isn't me. I'm sorry about what I did, but I'll make
it up to
you; I promise. Give me a chance."
Nadia waved her arms around lazily, feeling sober enough. "For the last
time, Jon, figure it out or get out."
"I know, I know! Do you want me to make it up to you now?" He
gestured around.
Nadia shook her head. "No, you don't get that sort of chance, Jon.
You're
going to have to pull a girly girl on me and be a helpless romantic.
Sweep me
off my feet and make it worthwhile or I'll make sure you don't ever see
me
again. And this isn't just about sex, you know. This is about all the
lies
you've told me."
Jon visibly paled. "What lies?"
"Figure it out yourself, or you can tell me all the ones I don't know
yet." She thumped him on the chest before walking gracefully out the
door
and sleeping on the couch downstairs.
Jon spun her around. "I'm outta here, and
don't
expect me to come back! You are right, Nadia! You think you're so cool,
sitting
here, an artist. Well, let me tell you something! An artist doesn't
have to be
so different they make a bad name for themselves,
they
don't have to ruin themselves and make themselves ugly you know! Why
you do is
a mystery to me, and I'm sick of trying to look over your instabilities
just so
I can catch a glimpse of what I did last night!"
Her jaw opened and closed a few times before she exploded. "What you
caught last night?! You bastard! You took everything from me and didn't
even
care you were hurting me, you were ignoring me, and you were hating
me! You never liked me, you're just like a typical bastard; sex sex
sex! Get out of
here!
Go!" She smacked him right out of her house, but he'd already gotten to
her.
So, he hated her. It hurt to think he had used her for sex, but it was
the cold
reality. Now it seemed incomprehensible how she'd fallen for him, what
with the
always pushing her in the direction, but asking her to initiate. She
should
have known better, it seemed, but he had lied to her for so long, just
trying
to get her to where she was. Now that he'd gotten what he wanted, she
had
become nothing to him and destroyed her self-esteem. She felt worthless
and
used, fragile and broken. Only a man could do it to her, and he had.
It wasn't until the next morning Nadia awoke from her living nightmare
and
realized she was not only destroying how she looked on the outside, but
she had
ruined what beauty she had on the inside. She cried again, the whole
concept
becoming easier to accept. She was ugly to him, why not everyone else?
And now,
she laughed, now her mind was going ugly,
and once a
person's mind steps over the line from mediocre to ugly, the body
follows. What
little beauty anyone saw in her would be destroyed. She fell into a
fitful
sleep, waking to see Lexi holding a teakettle invitingly, leading her
to the
kitchen.
"So, what lies?" Lexi asked, running a hand through her hair.
Nadia shrugged. "I was hoping he'd break down and tell me everything,
but
he was too smart for me."
The phone rang, and Nadia ignored it, leaving Lexi to pick it up.
"Nate? Oh! Right, hang on a minute." She
held out the phone. "'Tis your brother,
Madame."
Nadia snatched up the phone and grinned, trying to sound and feel happy
as she
drowned in her own misery, listening as her brother's voice began to
echo into
her ear, joking around and trying to keep her updated. Apparently his
wife was
pregnant, their sister was having her vows renewed, and their mother
was still
mad that Nadia wasn't married yet, being the middle child.
She groaned. "What does she expect? Dad won't have it if I just show up
with a guy and ask if he can marry me, but that's what Mum wants!"
Nate chuckled. "You know who she wants, Naddy."
"Funny you should mention Eric," she started coldly.
They spoke some more, Nadia telling Nate
that she was
dating a new guy that was shaping up to be worse than her last, though
the only
bad part about him was his selfishness, something she was sure she
could cure. Nate begged her to come up for
their family party that
weekend, four days away, and Nadia considered.
"This year all the Smarts and Abells will
be
here! Carmen should be there with her husband and son. Her niece is
coming up
with her new boyfriend-and Mum told us if you don't bring a guy with
you that
you aren't coming." He laughed again.
Nadia smirked. "I'll bring Eric just to annoy her."
"You'd probably make her happy, Naddy." He
warned, but she had to hang up, hardly remembering to tell him she was
up for a
new job she really wanted. When she had hung up, she felt odd but
rejuvenated.
Brushing her hands off, Nadia pulled on a pair of jeans, pulled on
another
lettered shirt that just said, "Groupie" on it, and walked out into
the street, nothing particular in mind, fifty pounds in her pocket. She
walked
past her favourite blocks, looking in the
shop
windows, feeling lucky and a bit invigorated. She stopped at the tattoo
shop,
looking at the design books. Fed up with window shopping, she stepped
inside
and picked up the newest book, looking at the arm bands. It was her
favourite tattoo shop, the cheapest she had
found in all of
England, and she'd been looking
a long
time. A green and blue Celtic cross was featured,
a
series of Labyrinth-like twists all leading up to a large, ornate cross
with an
open space in the middle for the "symbol of choice." Nadia took a
pencil and sketched her symbol, a sort of positive chi symbol, testing
it out
in the center of the cross, wondering if she had the money to do this
now and
get her foot touched up.
She felt ugly and unwanted, so why not taint her looks more? Why not
ruin what
she had? She snorted, considering getting a tear drop tattooed under
her eye, a
perpetual sadness there. She didn't want to be sorrowful all the time;
she
despised the depressed masses. Now she joined them, her hideous looks
her own.
She thought about buying blue hair dye again, and smiled as a man
walked into
the waiting room.
A face she knew well sat down next to her on the nearest stool. "How
you
doing, Naddy? Back for another touch-up?"
Nadia smiled at Harvey, one of the twins that ran the shop. "Hey
Harvey. I was actually
thinking about
getting a new one and touching up my foot, but I'm not sure if I have
enough
money to burn a hole in my pocket with."
He waved his arm, which was covered in many ornate skeletons and,
ironically,
peace symbols. He pulled his hair from his face and gestured for her to
sit.
"The touch-up's on me then, what are you
looking
at?"
Nadia told him her idea, pointing to her sketch. By using a "friend of
owner's" discount, Nadia succeeded in talking Harvey down into a low
enough
range for
her to pay for the new tattoo, wincing as he pulled up a sterilized
needle and
dipped it in the hunter green ink, holding her arm out over his lap
rigidly. Half
an hour later, she paid Harvey and Harley, promising to drop off a
six-pack of
beer later that week (which they assured her is what they would have
spent the
remaining six pounds on anyway). The piercing shop next door flipped
open the
door, and if Nadia had another penny in her pocket she would have
walked in and
bribed the hell out of another good friend, but she walked in meekly
and looked
at the pictures on the wall, advertising the latest trends. Besides the
normal
ear piercings, they were doing tongue piercings, eyebrow piercings,
strange ear piercings (of which Nadia was
a proud
owner), and a few unmentionables hidden in the private rooms reserved
for those
that paid before they looked to prevent the younger masses from getting
a good
long peek.
"Hey Nadia, like your new band," Dan, the owner and self-appointed
"head piercer" quipped, walking to the
register as a young, preppy girl in a yellow sweater walked out behind
him, her
ears flaming red with small gold studs in her lower ears.
Nadia walked over to Dan's side. "I've got a proposition you might
refuse
because I have no money." She began, smiling as he grinned and gave her
a
weak look.
"Depends," he accepted the money from the nervous looking preppy
girl, handing her change.
"I let you test out some new piercings on
me if
I get to get one where I want it." She said, putting her hands on her
hips.
He let his head cock at her. "Like where? You gonna
pierce your lip and then have me find a spot I haven't done before? Get
real!"
The preppy girl stood, flabbergasted.
"Here," Nadia tapped the side of her nose, showing him her idea.
"A small enough stud would be almost fashionable, and a large one would
attract your more strange customers. Besides, you get the right kind
it's like
a navel piercing and it can be filled with a flesh colored stud that is
nearly
undetectable! Come on, Dan, I'll be your guinea pig!"
He seemed to consider while the nosy girl in the pastel sweater
fretted.
"Are you nuts? You're going to pierce your cartilage? That's gross!"
Nadia made a face at the girl, making a point to look sharply at Dan so
her
white gold cartilage piercing flashed in the sun and her new tattoo was
shown
easily. The girl gasped and pointed at the Celtic cross stamped on
Nadia's arm.
"I'm
feeling ugly, Dan, another guy has gone and told me I made myself the
way I am;
ugly. Make me beautiful." She chided, taking a piece of gum from his
register. He sighed and dipped his hands in a bucket of sanitizer,
washing them
much like a doctor. He walked her to a chair where the preppy girl sat
down in
the witness chair and took Nadia's hand, determined to be there to tell
her,
"I told you so" when she screamed out in pain.
Dan
sighed
again. "So, where's the freebie goin'?"
Nadia
tapped the mid-section of her already pierced ear on the cartilage
again,
knowing he knew what she meant. He put a white gold stud with a tiny
zirconium
chip on the end in a small stud gun, snapping it into her ear and
fearlessly
and gruffly snapping the oversized back on. Next he carefully set up a
white
gold stud, a tiny one, and set up a small purple spot with a washable
marker on
the side of her nose. When he had it where Nadia wanted it, he steadied
his arm
and stud gun before pinching the "trigger" and feeling it sink into
her flesh. Nadia squinted and felt her jaw tighten, but she'd been
wearing fake
studs there since she was eleven years old in public school; she knew
this
wasn't a mistake. And if it was, it could be reversed with the rubber
and
plastic piece aging people used on navel piercings.
She put the back on herself and stood up, shaking her head furiously to
get the
tingling feelings out of her
face and ear. Dan dropped a tiny, flesh-colored stud into Nadia's hand
and
picked up a Polaroid camera, taking a few pictures of the new piercing,
hanging
them on his wall next to the eyebrow and tongue piercings,
taking one of her new ear addition, adding them as well. When that was
done he
gave her two bottles of antiseptic and shook her hand, pleased to have
worked
with her.
"You
guys really are nuts!" The shaky girl's voice resounded as she eyed
Nadia's new addition.
"I'm
already nucking futs!"
Nadia retorted, walking from the shop with a wave and a wink.
For
some
reason she felt a little bit feeble walking down the street. She felt
like
she'd been taken advantage of the night before and needed reassurance.
She
stopped inside Harvey and Harley's shop and
showed them
her new studs before taking the long way home, almost dreading what
Lexi was
going to say when she saw her.
She
faked
a vomiting spell as Nadia stepped inside, her face showing how
depressed she
was in spite of herself.
"Calm
down, Miss Perfect, I've got a stud so when the thing heals you and I
won't be
able to tell if it's there. Maybe I won't get fired if I wear that to
work at
the public school. Or the college, I guess." She smiled weakly.
Lexi
winced. "A guy I work with, Jean Claude Van Moore just applied for the
same job. He's got a few galleries open in town, and he's really good.
He's a
great teacher, too, and he's already talking like he's got the job,
Naddy. Maybe you shouldn't count on that job-"
Her
nerves
already worn, her body aching just barely, Nadia turned and let out an
anguished cry, throwing a punch at the wall. Remembering the last time
she'd
punched a wall until her knuckles bled, she calmed herself down and
walked
outside to the tree where a beat-up punching bag hung. She proceeded in
kicking
and beating it until she fell to her back, heaving and gasping for
breath.
"Bruce
Lee! Eric's on line one, when the boxing star has had enough beating
the crap
out of the punching bag!" Lexi called, leaving the receiver on the
ground
just beyond the door, the cord stretched almost all the way out. Nadia
picked
up the receiver and quietly set it back on the cradle without talking
into it
at all. She took off at a steady run, her tank top sticking to her
back, her
shorts hanging low on her hips, her navel hanging out for the world to
see, but
she was too blind to notice all the men giving her looks despite her
tattoos, piercings, and oddities.
It
wasn't
until someone stopped her that Nadia did stop running. "Miss Smart!"
It was Mrs. Cunningham.
"Oh,
hello Mrs. Cunningham-" She started, wiping her face of sweat and
tears,
possibly blood.
The
woman
made a face before shrugging. "I filed for divorce," her face lit up,
"and I went and did this." She lifted her casual shirt sleeve to show
a small green earth faerie standing on a leaf like the Venus De Milo
tattooed
on her arm.
"Liberation,
Mrs. Cunningham, it's one of the few things we're allowed to taste."
Nadia
smiled.
"So,
why are you running then?"
Nadia
smiled weakly, feeling another tear seep out of her eye. "I just found
out
that it's more than a few people that don't find me a
worthwhile
human being."
Mrs.
Cunningham made a terrible face. "Now now!
Even
I, who had preconceived notions about you because of other mothers, did
not
think you were a worthless human being. Even when I was angry with you
I knew
you were the reason Nate turned to art
instead of telly and radio anymore. I know
my son isn't the brightest,
or even the quickest of them all, but the boy can draw and he loves it,
Miss
Smart."
"Please,"
Nadia started, feeling slightly better of herself,
"call me Nadia."
"In
that case," Mrs. Cunningham smiled, "call me Marissa."
They
shook
hands before Nadia claimed she had somewhere she wanted to go, and with
that,
ran off across the street, tearing through yards, rolling her ankles,
but never
stopping her run. She ran twelve miles in all, never stopping, only
gasping,
running, jogging, and sprinting her way to a gas station where she
stole two
bottles of water and sat out behind a huge oak tree drinking them one
after
another until her lungs stopped aching and her throat stopped
whistling. The
running continued. It was dusk, and her black tank top was making her
run more
dangerous, but she didn't stop. She
hitch-hiked part
of the way to London, unsure of where she
was going
until she rang the doorbell of her sister's house, spilling onto the
carpet as
her brother-in-law opened the door.
"Nadia;
is that you?" Carmen's voice rang out.
She
threw
a hand up to indicate that yes, she was the psycho that had collapsed
in the
entryway, chest heaving as she did so.
Helping
her to her feet, Carmen clucked her tongue and pulled the older woman
to the
nearest chair, her face knit up in worry. Once Nadia's face tilted up,
Carmen
clucked her tongue harder, touching her newest piercing with a
disapproving
look. Nadia coughed and smiled, her glasses obscuring things curiously.
"You
lie down, Nadia, you look like you ran all
the way
here from Preston!"
Nadia
laughed and jumped up, energetic as much as her legs were tired. "I
did! I
ran all the way here, and you know what? I stole water, and
hitch-hiked, and I
got my nose pierced today, AND I got a new tattoo. I'm just a badass, I
guess!"
Carmen
pushed her back into the chair, eyes roving over her sister's face in a
sad
way. "Why, Naddy?"
Here
the
smiles stopped. "Why not, Carmen? I've already screwed myself over,
why not ruin my internal idea of happiness
along with
my face? My dream job is going to a retired art school teacher that is
a lawyer
in his own God damn time, my boyfriend used me for sex and called me
ugly, my
best friend wants to kiss me all the fucking time, and my best female
friend is
in love with him but he won't have her. Please tell me why I wouldn't
go out,
drink myself into a whole of shit and die in a puddle of my own vomit.
Please,
Carmen, if you don't give me a reason I've got nowhere else to go."
"I'll
tell you why!" Carmen started, her light French accent escalating. The
rest of her speech resounded in her first language. "We love you,
Nadia!
My kids, my husband, your brother, our parents, your friends! Everyone
who
knows you wants to be like you in some way. You can't let one creep
stand
between you and your idea of happiness. All you have to do is teach
what you
love, it doesn't matter where. That old guy can't outlive you unless
you do
drown in a puddle of vomit, and since I won't let you, I say wait the
bastard
out and take his job!"
Nadia
laughed, hugging her sister tightly, her own French voice just as
fluent as
Carmen's. "What I wouldn't give to keep a spare Carmen in my pocket
when I
need a dose of self-esteem."
"I'm
here now," she muttered, sitting delicately on her sister's lap,
hugging
her gently. Nadia sighed with momentary satisfaction before Carmen put
her up
in her bed and forced her husband to sleep out on the couch for one
night so
Nadia could have the bed to herself. They didn't see her the next
morning, and
it would be at least a week until they did again.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nadia
stood in front of a mirror in her old friend's house, surprised the
woman had
even recognized her. Grace reappeared around her shoulder and tied a
leather
headband on Nadia's head, smoothing her short, black hair down so it
looked
neat and straight instead of styled and spiked. The light yellow dress
around
Nadia was cinched, tied, and yanked into position, her feet shoved into
a pair
of dark brown shoes, her nails painted black along with her toe nails,
make-up
carefully smeared on her tattoos to conceal them, and some added to her
face
for good measure. Nadia was a changed girl.
It
seemed
only natural to Nadia to see how she liked herself a different way. It
was time
to try something different, and for her different was a polite and
flattering
dress, all the normalities she refused.
Carmen had
been a temporary morale booster, but the next morning she'd still seen
herself,
face sad and lips permanently pouty (her
damn French genes).
Most people agreed that pouty lips were
sexy, but to
Nadia everything seemed flawed to her. She was so hurt by her stupidity
she
turned on herself and sought help, though not necessarily in the right
places.
"See?
All done, and it only took forty-five minutes." Grace chirped,
her voice still slightly annoying. "Keep those clothes, they're too
small
for me now, what with the baby and all. Tell me if you get a reaction
with
that. I'll tell you where you can buy the make-up and nail polish, then
you can
keep up appearances yourself. My next bit of advice is get some more of
those
flesh-colored earrings and studs so when those heal you have something
plug
them up with. Now, go out in the world, kid!"
Nadia
tucked her clothes into a shoulder bag that matched the dress, stepping
out into
the bright sunshine, her glasses matching her fingernails now. She had
insisted
on black because of the lack of any other attractive
colors, and decided that it was the best color she could deal with for
now. She
walked into town, only four blocks from the nearest café.
Inside
the
café Nadia sat at the nearest table, trying to make sure she
kept her profile
low. The waitress that took her order traded her Nadia's table to a
young man
who sat across from her and chatted for a bit, clearly interested in
her. Nadia
insisted several times she was fed up with dating and wasn't looking
for
anybody, but the man was persistent, and told her he'd buy her lunch if
she let
him stay with her for the afternoon. Nadia, not having any money,
planning to
run out when the bill came anyway, nodded and let him sit there,
talking her
ear off. He paid, she forced herself to sit
for
another twenty minutes, listening to the man, Tobias, talk. As if
London wasn't small enough for
Nadia's taste,
Jon and his bass player, Parker walked in. They sat down lazily,
flicking salt
packets at each other, making faces at waitresses as if they were more
important than people realised. Most
people knew they
were musicians,
but didn't like the music or didn't care. Nadia leapt up, ignoring
Tobias's
indignant shout, scrambling past him to the door, but another familiar
face
filled her view. She almost choked out an excuse, but Eric caught her
arm, apologised, and slid past her without
realising
it was her.
"Nadia-!"
Tobias started, and both Eric and Jon's heads snapped up urgently,
Jon's eyes
sliding half-shut.
He
stood
up, shoved the smaller man away and seized Nadia's shoulder. "What are
you
doing?"
She
shook
her arm from his grasp. "Leaving, bastard."
His
face lit
up. "Maybe we can talk about your mental problems next week, hm?"
"I
don't know why you bother me; I kicked you out. Are you embarrassed?
Are you
sure you want to make me rehash all the true things I told you
yesterday?"
She spat, seeing Eric's mouth drop open in surprise out of the corner
of her
eye.
A
few
diners stared on with mild anger towards the guy harassing the nicely
dressed
girl. "Hey! Leave her alone!"
"You
bitch-" Jon started, but Nadia rolled her eyes.
"Maybe
I can shut you up by telling this entire crowd here you are the worst
man I've
ever had in bed, and you know what else?" Her eyes sparkled as his face
turned red. "One inch less and the king of the band would be a
queen!"
The
diners
howled with laughter as Nadia turned and fled the café, hearing
the bell chime
again, picturing Eric stumbling out after her, unconcerned with the
teeming
masses. Instead a strong arm spun her around and grabbed her throat,
cutting
off her air. The hand shook her harshly, shouting obsenities
in her ear, her own voice echoing painfully as she screamed in pain. As
she
kicked and punched at him, knowing her blows were hurting him, she
heard a loud
shout and he fell to his knees. Before she could see her savior, he was
pummeling her legs and practically sobbing out in pain and anger. Nadia
made a
move to kick the no-good bastard in the face, but Eric beat her to it,
kicking
him in the side, knocking the wind from him. Graham jerked the back
door of his
car open and gestured for them to get inside, but Nadia was frozen in
shock,
her throat aching. Eric gathered her up as she lost consciousness,
cradling her
in the backseat, face stern as he held her.
At
his
insistence, Gray left Eric and Nadia at Eric's house. The poor woman,
bloody and
unconscious, was unable to change from the clothes she wore, leaving
Eric with
the uncomfortable task of doing it for her. He untied the cinch and
carefully
slid the dress off, forcing himself to keep his mind on the task. He
found the
smallest set of jeans he could find and pulled them up on her legs, not
quite
able to help himself from running his hand
over her
knee. She was beautiful, even now. One of his looser dress shirts
fastened on her, he took it upon himself to
revive her slowly, taking her
hand in his, a cool cloth on her forehead. Over the next half hour she
squirmed
and finally woke up. The first thing she did was burst into tears, the
first
time Eric had seen her do so. She took the cloth from her forehead and
wiped
the make-up from her face, arm, and foot, sick of feeling so incredibly
fake.
She pulled on her glasses, not quite aware she wasn't wearing what she
last
remembered wearing.
Eric
coughed gently, not letting himself smile as she spun around, eyes
opening wide
as she spotted him. She jerked her face away and tried to hide her
sorrow, but
he had seen it and it worried him. For some reason he always seemed to
think
women were sexier when they were angry or sad, and Nadia was no
exception. It
was like they abandoned whatever face they tried to wear and became
themselves.
He could feel it now, she was herself, and loathed herself.
"Don't,"
Nadia hissed as he got up and tried to take her hand again. She felt
him take
her hand anyway, and followed by pulling her into a tight hug, one she
flailed
in, feeling vulnerable and weak. She had to resist herself now that it
was out
on her sleeve again. If he could hold her like he was with her hideous
face
pressed to his chest like it was...
"What
happened, Nadia?" His voice was gentle. She only cried harder, finally
succumbing to her own will and sobbing on his shoulder, arms around his
neck.
She spoke quickly, her voice spilling out over her words, lips moving
barely in
sync with her story. He understood somehow and held her in a comforting
way,
his embrace never wavering. When her tale started to wind down, she
heard
herself slow down.
She
sniffed heavily. "And then I realised that
if I
don't get this job I'll have nothing and I'll be just as horrible
inside as I
am on the
outside.
Once your mind goes there's no going back. Jon was right, I am ugly.
Why didn't
I know before?" She rubbed her face hard; Eric didn't interrupt, he
only
stared in horror as she spoke, knowing he had to let her finish. "Was I
so
blind not to notice I was doing it to myself? And then I went out and
got my
nose pierced, another tattoo, and freaked the hell out of a nice girl
in a
preppy sweater-I mean Jesus! I must have a death-wish!"
"Jon
told you that you were ugly?" Eric finally interjected,
his voice incredulous.
Nadia
nodded pitifully. "He's right; you should know that, Eric."
Eric
made
a very strange face, shoving her to his bed again, sitting next to her
quickly.
He held both of her hands in his and looked at her seriously. "Nadia,
nothing you could do to yourself, and nothing anyone in the world could
do to
you could take away your beauty. You are beautiful and always have
been. The
things you've done to yourself have done nothing to them; I don't know
where
the guy gets off telling you all those lies, but he's wrong. You are
beautiful."
Nadia
let
out another loud sob, her heart thudding mechanically. She hugged him
tightly
again, though she felt herself being laid down on the bed. She held him
tight,
never letting go, and as he tried to slip away she only held tighter.
He did
escape, but came back with a box of tissues, offering a weak smile. She
smiled
back, wiping her face up in a sheepish way. When she had done the best
she
could, she sat up and hugged Eric again, feeling his heart racing under
it all.
"I'm
not lying," he said before she accuse him.
"You are beautiful, Nadia."
Another
tear fled Nadia's eye. "Why can't all men in the world be just like
you?"
He
sighed
loftily. "If everyone was like me you'd be the only happy woman in the
world, trust me."
For
some
reason Eric made her feel good-no, great. Around him when she felt her
most
insecure, he pushed it all away with words, words he said were true,
and she
believed him. He was so honest, more honest then Jon was, and he didn't
use
her. They weren't even seeing each other that way and he told her she
was
beautiful. Nadia thanked the Goddess she had found him and he'd found
her.
"That's
not nice," she mumbled, playing with his shirt collar.
He
smiled
at her. "It's not nice to think that one jackass with a record label
can
decide you're not worth anything."
Nadia
grimaced. "He really got to me, damnit."
"You
really liked him."
"And
now I fucking hate him. It all evens out in the end." She smiled
broadly.
"Now, let's go party. I feel like flaunting this wonderful
outfit."
She pulled on the loose dress shirt.
She
made a
face. "Speaking of which...why would you take it upon yourself to do
that?
You sick freak!" She smacked him lightly as he grinned with a light
blush.
"I
guess I can't fathom anyone sleeping in one of those horrible things.
What
spurred you to wear it in the first place, eh Naddy?
I should get pictures for blackmail."
Nadia
waved her hand around with a frown. "I was going to wear it to see if I
could pull off being a lady for once, maybe wear that to whichever
school I
teach at."
Eric
made
a face. "I don't want you to move further away."
Nadia's
eyes danced. "Don't want me to move farther away, want to undress me
and
put me in your clothes, won't take me out-"
"Shut
up," he mumbled, yanking her to her feet.
"Eric,"
she grabbed his shirt collar, fixing it obsessively as he stared at
her, their
bodies fairly close for such friendly contact. She left
her arms draped around his shoulders, the loosely buttoned shirt
hanging off
her shoulder revealing her bra strap, her skin tanned and beautiful. He
hadn't
been lying, and yet she was teasing him. If he was sure his throat
would work
when he spoke he'd ask her why she'd said his name, but now they stared
at each
other plainly, as if summing the other up. Nadia gazed at him as he
stared at
her shoulder uncertainly, her heart thudding as she considered kissing
him for
once, confusing him, teasing him, pushing him to the edge of whatever
he stood
on. He stood before her like a small school boy, his feet close
together, shoulders slouched, hands
clinging to the other insistently.
"Nadia,"
he finally choked out in return.
"Let's
go," she jerked herself out of her own mind and grabbed her shoes,
waiting
for him to react. He finally started to grab his car keys and such,
laughing as
she danced around eagerly, telling him she had the best place to go.
The only
bad part was the fact it was a club that played only strange music, she
said.
They played songs with people who only seemed to talk with rhythm,
songs with
vulgar lyrics being sung by a group of sexually motivated men. She said
they
had great beat and fun dancing though, and insisted taking him so he
could see
one of the improv dance contests.
"We
could tear that place up." She said wisely.
He
laughed. "Right, I'll look pretty this time, you dance."
Nadia
began to writhe around on the seat of the car, mumbling some very
explicit curse
words along with a few horrible terms used for women.
He
gaped
at her. "What-?"
"It's
a song; you'll hear it tonight, trust me." She grinned uncertainly.
"And no one we know should be there. You're friends are all married or
dating, so unless you plan on seeing Lexi there, we could be jackasses
and
never be seen again. I might see a group of my friends; not sure."
When
they
parked outside the run-down club pumping music into the air, Nadia
began to
jump around, a beat already shaking the ground outside the actual
building.
Eric winced as the lyrics began, insisting that a woman get on her
knees and do
what she could. It was obviously not the most prestigious place, but
the music
did seem rather addicting. Nadia did a complicated handshake with the
bouncer
at the door, sliding past the hundred or so people waiting for their
turn, the
guy angrily letting Eric past as well, mumbling that if he wanted to
live
inside he'd probably remove his jacket.
Once
inside, the whole scenario made more sense. There were people wearing
nearly
nothing writhing around, their bodies sweating heavily, shouting the
words
along with the shoddy recordings. There were large racial differences,
many
nationalities mingling, a few Americans shaking in their boots as large
black
folk moved together, talking evenly. Nadia glided into a group of black
women,
talking quickly, Eric frowning as they slapped at her shoulders and
hips as
though she were one their own, howling as she spoke, making faces,
making hand movements
unfamiliar to Eric. They began to talk together again as Nadia exited,
freezing
as the
chorus of the song came into the air, and every woman in the joint
began to
jump up and down in beat, every man staring on in a sort of coma as the
women jumped,
stopped, wiggled, dropped to the floor, slapped the floor, and stood,
throwing
their hands up in unison.
"This
is it!" Nadia shouted as the words she'd mumbled in the car floated
into
the air. Eric's jaw dropped as the very words she'd said were spoken
again. She
walked up to him, forced his jacket from his shoulders, and began to
dance like
every other woman in the place with a man. The beat was fairly slow,
fast for
dancing, not exactly jumping like swing. As the pulsing beat continued,
Nadia
waved her arms around just like everyone else, her legs sliding apart
as she
dipped to the floor suddenly, smacking it with the absence of sound in
the
place. A spotlight floated around the place, stopping on a few couples
as the
grinded together, a DJ of sorts criticising
the
couple as if they were professionals. It was the dance contest.
Eric
jumped apart from another woman as she sidled up to his side. She took
his
hand, threw it up in the air, and winked as she backed away in time
with the music.
The chanting singers insisted that the women find a man and get low,
slap the
floor, turn around and touch their toes. Nadia did as she was told,
laughing as
her groupies laughed and cheered. Eric felt his face turn red as the
many
couples clapped, laughed, and danced together, pointing as Nadia lead
the
entire place into her particular world. It was infectious, and soon the
spotlight was on her and Eric as she threw her arm around his neck and
grinned.
The music insisted every man take a woman and hold
her
close as the beat got louder. Eric, throwing away his fears and
indignation,
took Nadia's waist in his
hands
and grinned as she chanted along.
They
bobbed around the other, laughing as the spotlight increased the heat,
making a
sort of invisible attraction slide out between them. It mingled freely,
drawing
their bodies closer, and suddenly they weren't afraid if the other
minded they
were touching, grinding, pushing, they were in an ecstasy. The entire
building
was packed, hot, and full of other sweating bodies; it was inevitable
they
break into a sweat. Soon they were both chanting along with the music,
surprised at their own language, still laughing together when they
caught
other's eye. As the song began to end, Eric felt his own body begin to
hum as
she slid away. She backed up in time just as the other woman had. He
followed
her eagerly, his eyes just as eager as his hands as they leapt up to
her
shoulders, sliding
down her sides as she threw her hands up in the air, head down as she
bobbed
down to the floor, slapped it, and continued on her way up. She put her
hip
right against his, loving the feel of his body against hers. A
disturbing
thought entered her mind, suddenly wondering what it would be like to
feel him
like this when there weren't five hundred other eyes staring at her,
laughing
as Eric tried not look uncomfortable. As
the music
commanded her to back up and slam left and right, she couldn't help but
slam
into Eric, almost apologising before she
caught sight
of his face, which dropped into a strange expression of surprise and
pleasure.
The song finally ended, fading way into another one with a frenzied
beat. Nadia
never stopped moving, she continued to move around, her arms and legs
moving in
time with everything. Everyone was staring at them as the spotlight set
on her
and Eric, moving when she moved, calling out she and the mysterious
stranger
had won.
The
next
song said it was strictly, "For the ladies that want to impress their
men." Nadia winked at Eric elaborately, peeling away to the line where
the
other women had situated themselves. The song beat faster and faster
until a
loud cymbal crash started them off, one hand out over their heads, the
other
behind them as their feet pounded on the ground in time. Each woman
began to
walk in different directions one by one to pick themselves a man,
stopping in
their backward trot to flash a glance of their curves to the world,
either by
dipping low to touch their toes, throw their hips to and fro, or bend
backwards
to bare her stomach to the world. It was full of sexuality, but they
all took
it lightly, every woman picking a different man she'd come with, except
Nadia,
who walked up to Eric calmly, took his collar and pulled him out to the
dancefloor.
"Every
man in the joint-"
"YEAH!"
Replied a baritone chorus-all the men in the building minus Eric, who
felt
inept.
"Put
your hand on your favourite part of your
woman and
say it loud!" The booming voice commanded.
Eric
felt
Nadia jerk his arms up to her sides, his hand floating to her shoulders
and
lower, moving slowly as he blushed madly, avoiding her look.
The
chorus
started, once again leaving Eric without knowing what he was supposed
to say.
"Say
it loud! We gonna party all night long, gonna go onto until the
night decides to end!
Don't matter
if we do it right or wrong, give me your body and the heart will bend!
Awwwww!" The entire congregation jumped on the
drum
beat, Nadia chanting with the women who only seemed to say, "Baby don't
you touch me there while we're in here..."
The
music
stopped abruptly. "We got a shy one in the house!" Shouted a small,
wiry man. He pushed his way through the crowd to Eric, hoots coming up
into the
air slowly until a loud hooting filled the building.
"Joey!"
Nadia wailed, covering her red face.
"Sorry,
Naddy, but this one's gonna
prove himself now or get the shame dance-"
"Shame
dance?" Eric made a face.
Two
rather
brutish men folded their arms slowly, smiling as Eric gulped and
whirled around
to Nadia, who was looking at him apologetically.
She
made a
very sorry face. "I forget they do this occasionally. You need to do me
a
favor to avoid being thrown out early..."
He
seemed
to pale as she leaned up and whispered in his ear.
"I
don't care what you have to do to make it look real, but we need to
make it
look like we're having the best time in our lives right now." She
fiddled
with his collar again.
"How
do I do that, exactly?" He asked, nervous as hell.
She
sighed. "See those couples that look like they're about to have sex in
the
middle of the floor? That needs to be us, right now."
Eric
gulped heavily. "Nadia, maybe we should just leave-"
She
grinned. "Not afraid of me, are you?"
"No.
I just, well, I can't exactly say it, now can I?" He smiled weakly.
"Sure
you can!" She chided, waiting for Joey to start the music.
He
blushed
but spoke. "Go easy on me, Naddy, or I
won't be pretending."
Before
she
react to this with more than her dropped
jaw, the
music started up and the circle of spectators became an impenetrable
wall, cutting
them off from escape. Eric leapt to her, taking her body up in his
arms, hands
inching over every part of her as she moved with the music, mind still
moving
along quickly, sorting through his comments. Fretting inwardly, Eric
moved her
closer to her, knowing if she played with him for too long he'd lose it
and
fast. It was odd to think he was feeling so worried about this, but he
hadn't
ever seen anyone dance like she was now, and he shuddered to think who
had
taught her. Maybe jealousy at the thought of who had taught her was
better. He
kept dropping his mouth open in confusion as she turned away from him,
her back
to him but her
hips still pushing on his. Men hooted loudly as he finally seemed to
snap and
pulled her shoulders directly in front of him. The dancing masses all
watched
eagerly as the "judging" spotlight hovered over them, mocking them as
they swayed, uncertain and unsure with their actions. It seemed
unanimous as
they both decided it was just a bit of fun, and Eric pressed his face
to the
side of hers. He could hear her breathing heavily, and he knew she must
be able
to hear him. Sooner or later she'd figure out he wasn't getting tired
but
teetering on the edge. Fortunately the song ended and they slapped
hands,
laughing uneasily as the spotlight abandoned them with a reluctant
admittance
fanfare. They seemed to have dried up their fun though, and ended up
leaving
fifteen minutes later.
Nadia
chose to pretend nothing had happened. "See? Fun."
Eric
laughed nastily, nodding hysterically. "Yeah! Fun!"
"What?
Look, they tease but they mean well-"
"You
just screwed over my attempts to keep from pissing you off. Now I'm
going to
have to do something stupid." He seemed very upset for a split second
as
they slowed to a stop outside his house. He seemed to consider giving
her a
ride home, but Nadia leapt out and yanked his door open. She hadn't
meant to
screw up his evening, but now it appeared he was worried that he wasn't
going
to be able to help himself. She grinned inwardly; she didn't exactly
want him
to behave anymore, not after what she'd seen at the club.