Best Friends Forever, Chapter Four (Add a 2000 to that 4 and you have the year of the monkey! Isn't math fun?)

Author's Note: Hey people. It appears my word documents have a *scoff* content limit. Well, here's an awkward cliffhanger because it won't let me write the paragraph needed to quench your thirst for a while. Enjoy!


Jake and Marcia showed up right on time, letting Nadia feel better about leaving Eric. He looked a bit worried as she walked to the underground station, bag hanging off her shoulder in a dignified way. She was an intimidating figure and she walked with confidence, so it was no wonder that when she walked into the offices at Cambridge, the school board overlooked her hair and tattoo. They saw an individual, and her lesson plan and disciplinary plan were fool-proof. Nervous as she was, Nadia could talk her way from anything.

"What about consistent absences?" Asked one of the younger school-board officials.

Nadia smiled. "They will need to make up the work and hand in independent study guides to me regarding what they missed. Also, after class 'detention' so to speak would be awarded to those with no excuses or those who refuse to turn in the study guides."

Nodding to one another, they thanked Nadia for coming in, glad they had an opportunity to see some of her work as well. She collected the two canvases and the framed sketch of her brother before collecting her papers and exiting into the street, walking back to the underground as if she had all the time in the world. As she sat on the plush seat and tried to warn others getting on the stuffy compartment not to sit in the gum stuck to the seat, she felt an overwhelming nervousness envelope her. If she got this job come August, she'd probably move about half an hour farther away from London to live just off campus, probably live alone and be a spinster of sorts, and probably have to make all new friends with her schedule. She had asked for the opportunity to grade students' work, which is always hard. She couldn't look at their flesh and blood and say they couldn't draw to save their lives, she had to look for effort, perspective, and attempt. She also had to open their eyes to the many ways you can express yourself in the world, and she was prepared to show them everything she knew, which is why the school board decided she was the one that day even though they had no less than a dozen more young, fresh faces to go through before they decided that fateful day in August, one week before terms started up.

Eric pouted his lip as he walked into the street, hands in pockets. He wasn't exactly in a bad mood, per se, he just didn't feel like walking all the way to his car, driving all the way to the BBC, pouring all his dignity into a woman's dress, wrestling in mud, showering, and trekking back home. It seemed like too much for an afternoon, and to top it all off Nadia had just told him she might be moving even further away, and just when he thought she was starting to see him for what he was. He sighed and kept moving, the car pulling left and right as his thoughts plowed on at the speed of light, dismissing ideas and such as he went along.

As he climbed out of the car and forced a grin at the other five men, all dolled up for the show, he felt a sad sense of realisation hit him. Was he being greedy asking that Nadia not get the job she'd dreamed about since she was six years old just because he wanted her closer and available? Or was he being fair by begging the forces out there to fail her from that course so she could see that she didn't need that job to be happy? Life isn't supposed to be a game of chance with the roll of the dice; it's a game of strategy and luck, of cheating and playing fair. It's a puzzle that fits together one way but you have your entire life to fit all the pieces together. It appeared he'd cheated and ended up pulling up a card that told him his life was going to tell him what he didn't want to hear to make it more dramatic. He pulled the puzzle piece he'd tried to force into the slot out and slid it around, gently fitting it where it needed to be.

"Come on, Idle, let's get this show on the road!" John tossed a floral dress at Eric.

He groaned and pulled the fabric off his head. "Whoever is writing these needs to DIE,"

Mike gave him a bemused look before aiming his pointer finger at Eric and stating quite calmly, "Bang!"

Grabbing the "wound" protectively, Eric keeled over to the ground, letting the pumps John dropped next to him clatter away. It was going to be a very long day.

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"To a new job!" Lexi lifted her glass. Nadia copied the gesture and toasted her own interview, downing some champagne eagerly. She lifted a finger and got up, answering the door to Jon, who appeared with a grin, a big hug ready for her. The three of them sat down together, drinking, talking, laughing, congratulating.

Jon's eyes sparkled. "I'm dating my professor, if you really think about it."

Nadia narrowed her eyes at him. "You better not drop my class this time, buddy!"

He grinned and kissed her cheek, trying not to be too clingy with Lexi staring at the two of them, smiling when they did something cute. Just as Lexi opened her mouth to speak, the phone rang and she answered it, face drawn up in a worried way.

She hung up and grabbed her purse and a handful of change. "My witness showed up for the rape case, be back by one thirty tonight, I promise. If we have any leftover wine leave it out; I'm gonna need it." She said quickly, exiting with her shoes barely on. Nadia shrugged and rinsed out Lexi's glass surprised to feel Jon's arms sneak up around her shoulders, one floating down around her waist as he kissed her neck. Once again, Nadia wasn't stupid. It had hardly been three days and he was giving her all the signs that he wanted a sexual relationship, signs she didn't particularly return or entice, but accept and put up with. She wasn't sure if she wanted to give him what he craved just yet, though she felt a strength in him with her intuition, one that boasted he would take care of her. There was always something sneaky about him, however, and he never seemed to be comfortable out during the day as if he was afraid someone would recognize him and ask him why he was standing next to the woman with the tattoo on her foot and the square-framed glasses. She almost felt he was embarrassed by her, something she never surmised when Eric took her out.

"You alright?" He asked, feeling her shoulders tense.

She turned around and looked him in the eye. "You'll take care of me, right? I'm not just here, am I?"

He smiled, looked her straight in the eye, and lied. "Of course I'll take care of you."

Nadia nodded and turned around, putting the dried glass back in the cupboard, squeaking as Jon lifted her off her feet. She giggled as he spun her around, feeling all thought-process stop.

"You're going to be the greatest Surrealism In the Arts teacher ever, Nadia." He said evenly, smiling as she grinned at him.

She felt warm and loved, her fingers playing over her shirt buttons. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now let's celebrate." He lifted her off her feet and waited for a response. Deciding to get over herself, Nadia kissed Jon and allowed him to close the door behind him as he walked to her room. She was in control of the situation, and almost certain she knew what she was doing. This wasn't her first time, and it wasn't going to be the last. She was prepared with birth control pills being taken, and yet she hadn't exactly been prepared for this. Instead of being unprepared though, she was just startled as he laid her down on the cool sheets in her dark room and kissed her hungrily. It was a little strange to her, skipping from first date, to second, to snogging in a car, straight to sex. It wasn't too fast for her though, she'd made mistakes she'd rather not relive, and he had said he'd take care of her. The door locked and bolted, Nadia allowed him to do as he wished.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Nadia sat on the roof, cigarette hanging out of her mouth, drink in hand, shirt hanging off her shoulders feebly. She sipped the drink and tried to focus on the bright white circle rising out of the trees. She hardly ever smoked, and she didn't like drinking to escape or to enhance, but tonight had been different. Tonight she had discovered that not all men make an impression on women, not all men make things a night to remember. It had been all about him, and she hadn't even cared.

Sipping from the glass again, Nadia paused. "What a fucking pisser," she muttered as Lexi's window slid open.

She sat next to Nadia, lighting her own cigarette, pouring herself a glass of liquor as well. They sat in silence for a moment before Lexi spoke. "My witness cut her own throat with a letter opener on my desk. All my files, all my evidence, destroyed. I have no case and this guy is a repeating offender of sexual crimes."

"All's fair in sex and warfare," Nadia said slowly, taking a long drag from her cigarette.

Lexi looked at Nadia curiously. "Is Jon here?"

"Yeah, sleeping off all his 'efforts.'" Nadia replied sarcastically. "'Let's celebrate,' he says." She threw her head back and laughed, putting out what was left of her cigarette before drinking some more from her glass.

"Well, maybe it'll take some time. Some couples aren't in love because of the sex, you know." Lexi retorted wisely.

Nadia smiled weakly. "Most couples will agree, though. Most couples agree that sex enhances a relationship and should strengthen a bond between two people, if you're in love." She laughed again. "Well, I just fell out of something I wasn't even in."

"That's the liquor talking, honey. I bet he was just too excited to provide for you!" Lexi rubbed Nadia's back gently.

Nadia laughed gently, real humor back in her thoughts. "I was never one of the girly girls that would want to hug and touch and cuddle after anything, but I discovered you can reverse that even."

"How so?"

"Think about, Lexi. If I'm already not one to want to 'cuddle' after sex, what's the reverse? He didn't even want to know I was there." She replied.

Lexi squirmed. "I repeat, maybe he was too excited to notice you."

"Damnit, Lexi, if you're right then I shouldn't even be talking to him! Too excited to notice me, fuck! I was the fucking woman letting him fucking touch me!" She stood up, kicking the empty bottle to the street corner below where it shattered.

Her window slid open and Jon's head poked out. Lexi jerked behind her window ledge where Jon couldn't see her and observed Nadia and Jon's interaction.

"Hey, baby, what's goin' on?" He yawned.

Nadia tensed. "Oh, you better know what's going on, shithead! If you can't figure it out I'm going to kill you!" She stumbled up to her feet.

Jon caught her as she lunged at him and cradled her. "You've been drinking, baby, it isn't me. I'm sorry about what I did, but I'll make it up to you; I promise. Give me a chance."

Nadia waved her arms around lazily, feeling sober enough. "For the last time, Jon, figure it out or get out."

"I know, I know! Do you want me to make it up to you now?" He gestured around.

Nadia shook her head. "No, you don't get that sort of chance, Jon. You're going to have to pull a girly girl on me and be a helpless romantic. Sweep me off my feet and make it worthwhile or I'll make sure you don't ever see me again. And this isn't just about sex, you know. This is about all the lies you've told me."

Jon visibly paled. "What lies?"

"Figure it out yourself, or you can tell me all the ones I don't know yet." She thumped him on the chest before walking gracefully out the door and sleeping on the couch downstairs.

Jon spun her around. "I'm outta here, and don't expect me to come back! You are right, Nadia! You think you're so cool, sitting here, an artist. Well, let me tell you something! An artist doesn't have to be so different they make a bad name for themselves, they don't have to ruin themselves and make themselves ugly you know! Why you do is a mystery to me, and I'm sick of trying to look over your instabilities just so I can catch a glimpse of what I did last night!"

Her jaw opened and closed a few times before she exploded. "What you caught last night?! You bastard! You took everything from me and didn't even care you were hurting me, you were ignoring me, and you were hating me! You never liked me, you're just like a typical bastard; sex sex sex! Get out of here! Go!" She smacked him right out of her house, but he'd already gotten to her.

So, he hated her. It hurt to think he had used her for sex, but it was the cold reality. Now it seemed incomprehensible how she'd fallen for him, what with the always pushing her in the direction, but asking her to initiate. She should have known better, it seemed, but he had lied to her for so long, just trying to get her to where she was. Now that he'd gotten what he wanted, she had become nothing to him and destroyed her self-esteem. She felt worthless and used, fragile and broken. Only a man could do it to her, and he had.

It wasn't until the next morning Nadia awoke from her living nightmare and realized she was not only destroying how she looked on the outside, but she had ruined what beauty she had on the inside. She cried again, the whole concept becoming easier to accept. She was ugly to him, why not everyone else? And now, she laughed, now her mind was going ugly, and once a person's mind steps over the line from mediocre to ugly, the body follows. What little beauty anyone saw in her would be destroyed. She fell into a fitful sleep, waking to see Lexi holding a teakettle invitingly, leading her to the kitchen.

"So, what lies?" Lexi asked, running a hand through her hair.

Nadia shrugged. "I was hoping he'd break down and tell me everything, but he was too smart for me."

The phone rang, and Nadia ignored it, leaving Lexi to pick it up.

"Nate? Oh! Right, hang on a minute." She held out the phone. "'Tis your brother, Madame."

Nadia snatched up the phone and grinned, trying to sound and feel happy as she drowned in her own misery, listening as her brother's voice began to echo into her ear, joking around and trying to keep her updated. Apparently his wife was pregnant, their sister was having her vows renewed, and their mother was still mad that Nadia wasn't married yet, being the middle child.

She groaned. "What does she expect? Dad won't have it if I just show up with a guy and ask if he can marry me, but that's what Mum wants!"

Nate chuckled. "You know who she wants, Naddy."

"Funny you should mention Eric," she started coldly.

They spoke some more, Nadia telling Nate that she was dating a new guy that was shaping up to be worse than her last, though the only bad part about him was his selfishness, something she was sure she could cure. Nate begged her to come up for their family party that weekend, four days away, and Nadia considered.

"This year all the Smarts and Abells will be here! Carmen should be there with her husband and son. Her niece is coming up with her new boyfriend-and Mum told us if you don't bring a guy with you that you aren't coming." He laughed again.

Nadia smirked. "I'll bring Eric just to annoy her."

"You'd probably make her happy, Naddy." He warned, but she had to hang up, hardly remembering to tell him she was up for a new job she really wanted. When she had hung up, she felt odd but rejuvenated. Brushing her hands off, Nadia pulled on a pair of jeans, pulled on another lettered shirt that just said, "Groupie" on it, and walked out into the street, nothing particular in mind, fifty pounds in her pocket. She walked past her favourite blocks, looking in the shop windows, feeling lucky and a bit invigorated. She stopped at the tattoo shop, looking at the design books. Fed up with window shopping, she stepped inside and picked up the newest book, looking at the arm bands. It was her favourite tattoo shop, the cheapest she had found in all of England, and she'd been looking a long time. A green and blue Celtic cross was featured, a series of Labyrinth-like twists all leading up to a large, ornate cross with an open space in the middle for the "symbol of choice." Nadia took a pencil and sketched her symbol, a sort of positive chi symbol, testing it out in the center of the cross, wondering if she had the money to do this now and get her foot touched up.

She felt ugly and unwanted, so why not taint her looks more? Why not ruin what she had? She snorted, considering getting a tear drop tattooed under her eye, a perpetual sadness there. She didn't want to be sorrowful all the time; she despised the depressed masses. Now she joined them, her hideous looks her own. She thought about buying blue hair dye again, and smiled as a man walked into the waiting room.

A face she knew well sat down next to her on the nearest stool. "How you doing, Naddy? Back for another touch-up?"

Nadia smiled at Harvey, one of the twins that ran the shop. "Hey Harvey. I was actually thinking about getting a new one and touching up my foot, but I'm not sure if I have enough money to burn a hole in my pocket with."

He waved his arm, which was covered in many ornate skeletons and, ironically, peace symbols. He pulled his hair from his face and gestured for her to sit. "The touch-up's on me then, what are you looking at?"

Nadia told him her idea, pointing to her sketch. By using a "friend of owner's" discount, Nadia succeeded in talking Harvey down into a low enough range for her to pay for the new tattoo, wincing as he pulled up a sterilized needle and dipped it in the hunter green ink, holding her arm out over his lap rigidly. Half an hour later, she paid Harvey and Harley, promising to drop off a six-pack of beer later that week (which they assured her is what they would have spent the remaining six pounds on anyway). The piercing shop next door flipped open the door, and if Nadia had another penny in her pocket she would have walked in and bribed the hell out of another good friend, but she walked in meekly and looked at the pictures on the wall, advertising the latest trends. Besides the normal ear piercings, they were doing tongue piercings, eyebrow piercings, strange ear piercings (of which Nadia was a proud owner), and a few unmentionables hidden in the private rooms reserved for those that paid before they looked to prevent the younger masses from getting a good long peek.

"Hey Nadia, like your new band," Dan, the owner and self-appointed "head piercer" quipped, walking to the register as a young, preppy girl in a yellow sweater walked out behind him, her ears flaming red with small gold studs in her lower ears.

Nadia walked over to Dan's side. "I've got a proposition you might refuse because I have no money." She began, smiling as he grinned and gave her a weak look.

"Depends," he accepted the money from the nervous looking preppy girl, handing her change.

"I let you test out some new piercings on me if I get to get one where I want it." She said, putting her hands on her hips.

He let his head cock at her. "Like where? You gonna pierce your lip and then have me find a spot I haven't done before? Get real!"

The preppy girl stood, flabbergasted.

"Here," Nadia tapped the side of her nose, showing him her idea. "A small enough stud would be almost fashionable, and a large one would attract your more strange customers. Besides, you get the right kind it's like a navel piercing and it can be filled with a flesh colored stud that is nearly undetectable! Come on, Dan, I'll be your guinea pig!"

He seemed to consider while the nosy girl in the pastel sweater fretted. "Are you nuts? You're going to pierce your cartilage? That's gross!"

Nadia made a face at the girl, making a point to look sharply at Dan so her white gold cartilage piercing flashed in the sun and her new tattoo was shown easily. The girl gasped and pointed at the Celtic cross stamped on Nadia's arm.

"I'm feeling ugly, Dan, another guy has gone and told me I made myself the way I am; ugly. Make me beautiful." She chided, taking a piece of gum from his register. He sighed and dipped his hands in a bucket of sanitizer, washing them much like a doctor. He walked her to a chair where the preppy girl sat down in the witness chair and took Nadia's hand, determined to be there to tell her, "I told you so" when she screamed out in pain.

Dan sighed again. "So, where's the freebie goin'?"

Nadia tapped the mid-section of her already pierced ear on the cartilage again, knowing he knew what she meant. He put a white gold stud with a tiny zirconium chip on the end in a small stud gun, snapping it into her ear and fearlessly and gruffly snapping the oversized back on. Next he carefully set up a white gold stud, a tiny one, and set up a small purple spot with a washable marker on the side of her nose. When he had it where Nadia wanted it, he steadied his arm and stud gun before pinching the "trigger" and feeling it sink into her flesh. Nadia squinted and felt her jaw tighten, but she'd been wearing fake studs there since she was eleven years old in public school; she knew this wasn't a mistake. And if it was, it could be reversed with the rubber and plastic piece aging people used on navel piercings. She put the back on herself and stood up, shaking her head furiously to get the tingling feelings out of her face and ear. Dan dropped a tiny, flesh-colored stud into Nadia's hand and picked up a Polaroid camera, taking a few pictures of the new piercing, hanging them on his wall next to the eyebrow and tongue piercings, taking one of her new ear addition, adding them as well. When that was done he gave her two bottles of antiseptic and shook her hand, pleased to have worked with her.

"You guys really are nuts!" The shaky girl's voice resounded as she eyed Nadia's new addition.

"I'm already nucking futs!" Nadia retorted, walking from the shop with a wave and a wink.

For some reason she felt a little bit feeble walking down the street. She felt like she'd been taken advantage of the night before and needed reassurance. She stopped inside Harvey and Harley's shop and showed them her new studs before taking the long way home, almost dreading what Lexi was going to say when she saw her.

She faked a vomiting spell as Nadia stepped inside, her face showing how depressed she was in spite of herself.

"Calm down, Miss Perfect, I've got a stud so when the thing heals you and I won't be able to tell if it's there. Maybe I won't get fired if I wear that to work at the public school. Or the college, I guess." She smiled weakly.

Lexi winced. "A guy I work with, Jean Claude Van Moore just applied for the same job. He's got a few galleries open in town, and he's really good. He's a great teacher, too, and he's already talking like he's got the job, Naddy. Maybe you shouldn't count on that job-"

Her nerves already worn, her body aching just barely, Nadia turned and let out an anguished cry, throwing a punch at the wall. Remembering the last time she'd punched a wall until her knuckles bled, she calmed herself down and walked outside to the tree where a beat-up punching bag hung. She proceeded in kicking and beating it until she fell to her back, heaving and gasping for breath.

"Bruce Lee! Eric's on line one, when the boxing star has had enough beating the crap out of the punching bag!" Lexi called, leaving the receiver on the ground just beyond the door, the cord stretched almost all the way out. Nadia picked up the receiver and quietly set it back on the cradle without talking into it at all. She took off at a steady run, her tank top sticking to her back, her shorts hanging low on her hips, her navel hanging out for the world to see, but she was too blind to notice all the men giving her looks despite her tattoos, piercings, and oddities.

It wasn't until someone stopped her that Nadia did stop running. "Miss Smart!" It was Mrs. Cunningham.

"Oh, hello Mrs. Cunningham-" She started, wiping her face of sweat and tears, possibly blood.

The woman made a face before shrugging. "I filed for divorce," her face lit up, "and I went and did this." She lifted her casual shirt sleeve to show a small green earth faerie standing on a leaf like the Venus De Milo tattooed on her arm.

"Liberation, Mrs. Cunningham, it's one of the few things we're allowed to taste." Nadia smiled.

"So, why are you running then?"

Nadia smiled weakly, feeling another tear seep out of her eye. "I just found out that it's more than a few people that don't find me a
worthwhile human being."

Mrs. Cunningham made a terrible face. "Now now! Even I, who had preconceived notions about you because of other mothers, did not think you were a worthless human being. Even when I was angry with you I knew you were the reason Nate turned to art instead of telly and radio anymore. I know my son isn't the brightest, or even the quickest of them all, but the boy can draw and he loves it, Miss Smart."

"Please," Nadia started, feeling slightly better of herself, "call me Nadia."

"In that case," Mrs. Cunningham smiled, "call me Marissa."

They shook hands before Nadia claimed she had somewhere she wanted to go, and with that, ran off across the street, tearing through yards, rolling her ankles, but never stopping her run. She ran twelve miles in all, never stopping, only gasping, running, jogging, and sprinting her way to a gas station where she stole two bottles of water and sat out behind a huge oak tree drinking them one after another until her lungs stopped aching and her throat stopped whistling. The running continued. It was dusk, and her black tank top was making her run more dangerous, but she didn't stop. She hitch-hiked part of the way to London, unsure of where she was going until she rang the doorbell of her sister's house, spilling onto the carpet as her brother-in-law opened the door.

"Nadia; is that you?" Carmen's voice rang out.

She threw a hand up to indicate that yes, she was the psycho that had collapsed in the entryway, chest heaving as she did so.

Helping her to her feet, Carmen clucked her tongue and pulled the older woman to the nearest chair, her face knit up in worry. Once Nadia's face tilted up, Carmen clucked her tongue harder, touching her newest piercing with a disapproving look. Nadia coughed and smiled, her glasses obscuring things curiously.

"You lie down, Nadia, you look like you ran all the way here from Preston!"

Nadia laughed and jumped up, energetic as much as her legs were tired. "I did! I ran all the way here, and you know what? I stole water, and hitch-hiked, and I got my nose pierced today, AND I got a new tattoo. I'm just a badass, I guess!"

Carmen pushed her back into the chair, eyes roving over her sister's face in a sad way. "Why, Naddy?"

Here the smiles stopped. "Why not, Carmen? I've already screwed myself over, why not ruin my internal idea of happiness along with my face? My dream job is going to a retired art school teacher that is a lawyer in his own God damn time, my boyfriend used me for sex and called me ugly, my best friend wants to kiss me all the fucking time, and my best female friend is in love with him but he won't have her. Please tell me why I wouldn't go out, drink myself into a whole of shit and die in a puddle of my own vomit. Please, Carmen, if you don't give me a reason I've got nowhere else to go."

"I'll tell you why!" Carmen started, her light French accent escalating. The rest of her speech resounded in her first language. "We love you, Nadia! My kids, my husband, your brother, our parents, your friends! Everyone who knows you wants to be like you in some way. You can't let one creep stand between you and your idea of happiness. All you have to do is teach what you love, it doesn't matter where. That old guy can't outlive you unless you do drown in a puddle of vomit, and since I won't let you, I say wait the bastard out and take his job!"

Nadia laughed, hugging her sister tightly, her own French voice just as fluent as Carmen's. "What I wouldn't give to keep a spare Carmen in my pocket when I need a dose of self-esteem."

"I'm here now," she muttered, sitting delicately on her sister's lap, hugging her gently. Nadia sighed with momentary satisfaction before Carmen put her up in her bed and forced her husband to sleep out on the couch for one night so Nadia could have the bed to herself. They didn't see her the next morning, and it would be at least a week until they did again.

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Nadia stood in front of a mirror in her old friend's house, surprised the woman had even recognized her. Grace reappeared around her shoulder and tied a leather headband on Nadia's head, smoothing her short, black hair down so it looked neat and straight instead of styled and spiked. The light yellow dress around Nadia was cinched, tied, and yanked into position, her feet shoved into a pair of dark brown shoes, her nails painted black along with her toe nails, make-up carefully smeared on her tattoos to conceal them, and some added to her face for good measure. Nadia was a changed girl.

It seemed only natural to Nadia to see how she liked herself a different way. It was time to try something different, and for her different was a polite and flattering dress, all the normalities she refused. Carmen had been a temporary morale booster, but the next morning she'd still seen herself, face sad and lips permanently pouty (her damn French genes). Most people agreed that pouty lips were sexy, but to Nadia everything seemed flawed to her. She was so hurt by her stupidity she turned on herself and sought help, though not necessarily in the right places.

"See? All done, and it only took forty-five minutes." Grace chirped, her voice still slightly annoying. "Keep those clothes, they're too small for me now, what with the baby and all. Tell me if you get a reaction with that. I'll tell you where you can buy the make-up and nail polish, then you can keep up appearances yourself. My next bit of advice is get some more of those flesh-colored earrings and studs so when those heal you have something plug them up with. Now, go out in the world, kid!"

Nadia tucked her clothes into a shoulder bag that matched the dress, stepping out into the bright sunshine, her glasses matching her fingernails now. She had insisted on black because of the lack of any other attractive colors, and decided that it was the best color she could deal with for now. She walked into town, only four blocks from the nearest café.

Inside the café Nadia sat at the nearest table, trying to make sure she kept her profile low. The waitress that took her order traded her Nadia's table to a young man who sat across from her and chatted for a bit, clearly interested in her. Nadia insisted several times she was fed up with dating and wasn't looking for anybody, but the man was persistent, and told her he'd buy her lunch if she let him stay with her for the afternoon. Nadia, not having any money, planning to run out when the bill came anyway, nodded and let him sit there, talking her ear off. He paid, she forced herself to sit for another twenty minutes, listening to the man, Tobias, talk. As if London wasn't small enough for Nadia's taste, Jon and his bass player, Parker walked in. They sat down lazily, flicking salt packets at each other, making faces at waitresses as if they were more important than people realised. Most people knew they were musicians, but didn't like the music or didn't care. Nadia leapt up, ignoring Tobias's indignant shout, scrambling past him to the door, but another familiar face filled her view. She almost choked out an excuse, but Eric caught her arm, apologised, and slid past her without realising it was her.

"Nadia-!" Tobias started, and both Eric and Jon's heads snapped up urgently, Jon's eyes sliding half-shut.

He stood up, shoved the smaller man away and seized Nadia's shoulder. "What are you doing?"

She shook her arm from his grasp. "Leaving, bastard."

His face lit up. "Maybe we can talk about your mental problems next week, hm?"

"I don't know why you bother me; I kicked you out. Are you embarrassed? Are you sure you want to make me rehash all the true things I told you yesterday?" She spat, seeing Eric's mouth drop open in surprise out of the corner of her eye.

A few diners stared on with mild anger towards the guy harassing the nicely dressed girl. "Hey! Leave her alone!"

"You bitch-" Jon started, but Nadia rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I can shut you up by telling this entire crowd here you are the worst man I've ever had in bed, and you know what else?" Her eyes sparkled as his face turned red. "One inch less and the king of the band would be a queen!"

The diners howled with laughter as Nadia turned and fled the café, hearing the bell chime again, picturing Eric stumbling out after her, unconcerned with the teeming masses. Instead a strong arm spun her around and grabbed her throat, cutting off her air. The hand shook her harshly, shouting obsenities in her ear, her own voice echoing painfully as she screamed in pain. As she kicked and punched at him, knowing her blows were hurting him, she heard a loud shout and he fell to his knees. Before she could see her savior, he was pummeling her legs and practically sobbing out in pain and anger. Nadia made a move to kick the no-good bastard in the face, but Eric beat her to it, kicking him in the side, knocking the wind from him. Graham jerked the back door of his car open and gestured for them to get inside, but Nadia was frozen in shock, her throat aching. Eric gathered her up as she lost consciousness, cradling her in the backseat, face stern as he held her.

At his insistence, Gray left Eric and Nadia at Eric's house. The poor woman, bloody and unconscious, was unable to change from the clothes she wore, leaving Eric with the uncomfortable task of doing it for her. He untied the cinch and carefully slid the dress off, forcing himself to keep his mind on the task. He found the smallest set of jeans he could find and pulled them up on her legs, not quite able to help himself from running his hand over her knee. She was beautiful, even now. One of his looser dress shirts fastened on her, he took it upon himself to revive her slowly, taking her hand in his, a cool cloth on her forehead. Over the next half hour she squirmed and finally woke up. The first thing she did was burst into tears, the first time Eric had seen her do so. She took the cloth from her forehead and wiped the make-up from her face, arm, and foot, sick of feeling so incredibly fake. She pulled on her glasses, not quite aware she wasn't wearing what she last remembered wearing.

Eric coughed gently, not letting himself smile as she spun around, eyes opening wide as she spotted him. She jerked her face away and tried to hide her sorrow, but he had seen it and it worried him. For some reason he always seemed to think women were sexier when they were angry or sad, and Nadia was no exception. It was like they abandoned whatever face they tried to wear and became themselves. He could feel it now, she was herself, and loathed herself.

"Don't," Nadia hissed as he got up and tried to take her hand again. She felt him take her hand anyway, and followed by pulling her into a tight hug, one she flailed in, feeling vulnerable and weak. She had to resist herself now that it was out on her sleeve again. If he could hold her like he was with her hideous face pressed to his chest like it was...

"What happened, Nadia?" His voice was gentle. She only cried harder, finally succumbing to her own will and sobbing on his shoulder, arms around his neck. She spoke quickly, her voice spilling out over her words, lips moving barely in sync with her story. He understood somehow and held her in a comforting way, his embrace never wavering. When her tale started to wind down, she heard herself slow down.

She sniffed heavily. "And then I realised that if I don't get this job I'll have nothing and I'll be just as horrible inside as I am on the
outside. Once your mind goes there's no going back. Jon was right, I am ugly. Why didn't I know before?" She rubbed her face hard; Eric didn't interrupt, he only stared in horror as she spoke, knowing he had to let her finish. "Was I so blind not to notice I was doing it to myself? And then I went out and got my nose pierced, another tattoo, and freaked the hell out of a nice girl in a preppy sweater-I mean Jesus! I must have a death-wish!"

"Jon told you that you were ugly?" Eric finally interjected, his voice incredulous.

Nadia nodded pitifully. "He's right; you should know that, Eric."

Eric made a very strange face, shoving her to his bed again, sitting next to her quickly. He held both of her hands in his and looked at her seriously. "Nadia, nothing you could do to yourself, and nothing anyone in the world could do to you could take away your beauty. You are beautiful and always have been. The things you've done to yourself have done nothing to them; I don't know where the guy gets off telling you all those lies, but he's wrong. You are beautiful."

Nadia let out another loud sob, her heart thudding mechanically. She hugged him tightly again, though she felt herself being laid down on the bed. She held him tight, never letting go, and as he tried to slip away she only held tighter. He did escape, but came back with a box of tissues, offering a weak smile. She smiled back, wiping her face up in a sheepish way. When she had done the best she could, she sat up and hugged Eric again, feeling his heart racing under it all.

"I'm not lying," he said before she accuse him. "You are beautiful, Nadia."

Another tear fled Nadia's eye. "Why can't all men in the world be just like you?"

He sighed loftily. "If everyone was like me you'd be the only happy woman in the world, trust me."

For some reason Eric made her feel good-no, great. Around him when she felt her most insecure, he pushed it all away with words, words he said were true, and she believed him. He was so honest, more honest then Jon was, and he didn't use her. They weren't even seeing each other that way and he told her she was beautiful. Nadia thanked the Goddess she had found him and he'd found her.

"That's not nice," she mumbled, playing with his shirt collar.

He smiled at her. "It's not nice to think that one jackass with a record label can decide you're not worth anything."

Nadia grimaced. "He really got to me, damnit."

"You really liked him."

"And now I fucking hate him. It all evens out in the end." She smiled broadly. "Now, let's go party. I feel like flaunting this wonderful
outfit." She pulled on the loose dress shirt.

She made a face. "Speaking of which...why would you take it upon yourself to do that? You sick freak!" She smacked him lightly as he grinned with a light blush.

"I guess I can't fathom anyone sleeping in one of those horrible things. What spurred you to wear it in the first place, eh Naddy? I should get pictures for blackmail."

Nadia waved her hand around with a frown. "I was going to wear it to see if I could pull off being a lady for once, maybe wear that to whichever school I teach at."

Eric made a face. "I don't want you to move further away."

Nadia's eyes danced. "Don't want me to move farther away, want to undress me and put me in your clothes, won't take me out-"

"Shut up," he mumbled, yanking her to her feet.

"Eric," she grabbed his shirt collar, fixing it obsessively as he stared at her, their bodies fairly close for such friendly contact. She left her arms draped around his shoulders, the loosely buttoned shirt hanging off her shoulder revealing her bra strap, her skin tanned and beautiful. He hadn't been lying, and yet she was teasing him. If he was sure his throat would work when he spoke he'd ask her why she'd said his name, but now they stared at each other plainly, as if summing the other up. Nadia gazed at him as he stared at her shoulder uncertainly, her heart thudding as she considered kissing him for once, confusing him, teasing him, pushing him to the edge of whatever he stood on. He stood before her like a small school boy, his feet close together, shoulders slouched, hands clinging to the other insistently.

"Nadia," he finally choked out in return.

"Let's go," she jerked herself out of her own mind and grabbed her shoes, waiting for him to react. He finally started to grab his car keys and such, laughing as she danced around eagerly, telling him she had the best place to go. The only bad part was the fact it was a club that played only strange music, she said. They played songs with people who only seemed to talk with rhythm, songs with vulgar lyrics being sung by a group of sexually motivated men. She said they had great beat and fun dancing though, and insisted taking him so he could see one of the improv dance contests.

"We could tear that place up." She said wisely.

He laughed. "Right, I'll look pretty this time, you dance."

Nadia began to writhe around on the seat of the car, mumbling some very explicit curse words along with a few horrible terms used for women.

He gaped at her. "What-?"

"It's a song; you'll hear it tonight, trust me." She grinned uncertainly. "And no one we know should be there. You're friends are all married or dating, so unless you plan on seeing Lexi there, we could be jackasses and never be seen again. I might see a group of my friends; not sure."

When they parked outside the run-down club pumping music into the air, Nadia began to jump around, a beat already shaking the ground outside the actual building. Eric winced as the lyrics began, insisting that a woman get on her knees and do what she could. It was obviously not the most prestigious place, but the music did seem rather addicting. Nadia did a complicated handshake with the bouncer at the door, sliding past the hundred or so people waiting for their turn, the guy angrily letting Eric past as well, mumbling that if he wanted to live inside he'd probably remove his jacket.

Once inside, the whole scenario made more sense. There were people wearing nearly nothing writhing around, their bodies sweating heavily, shouting the words along with the shoddy recordings. There were large racial differences, many nationalities mingling, a few Americans shaking in their boots as large black folk moved together, talking evenly. Nadia glided into a group of black women, talking quickly, Eric frowning as they slapped at her shoulders and hips as though she were one their own, howling as she spoke, making faces, making hand movements unfamiliar to Eric. They began to talk together again as Nadia exited, freezing as the chorus of the song came into the air, and every woman in the joint began to jump up and down in beat, every man staring on in a sort of coma as the women jumped, stopped, wiggled, dropped to the floor, slapped the floor, and stood, throwing their hands up in unison.

"This is it!" Nadia shouted as the words she'd mumbled in the car floated into the air. Eric's jaw dropped as the very words she'd said were spoken again. She walked up to him, forced his jacket from his shoulders, and began to dance like every other woman in the place with a man. The beat was fairly slow, fast for dancing, not exactly jumping like swing. As the pulsing beat continued, Nadia waved her arms around just like everyone else, her legs sliding apart as she dipped to the floor suddenly, smacking it with the absence of sound in the place. A spotlight floated around the place, stopping on a few couples as the grinded together, a DJ of sorts criticising the couple as if they were professionals. It was the dance contest.

Eric jumped apart from another woman as she sidled up to his side. She took his hand, threw it up in the air, and winked as she backed away in time with the music. The chanting singers insisted that the women find a man and get low, slap the floor, turn around and touch their toes. Nadia did as she was told, laughing as her groupies laughed and cheered. Eric felt his face turn red as the many couples clapped, laughed, and danced together, pointing as Nadia lead the entire place into her particular world. It was infectious, and soon the spotlight was on her and Eric as she threw her arm around his neck and grinned. The music insisted every man take a woman and hold her close as the beat got louder. Eric, throwing away his fears and indignation, took Nadia's waist in his
hands and grinned as she chanted along.

They bobbed around the other, laughing as the spotlight increased the heat, making a sort of invisible attraction slide out between them. It mingled freely, drawing their bodies closer, and suddenly they weren't afraid if the other minded they were touching, grinding, pushing, they were in an ecstasy. The entire building was packed, hot, and full of other sweating bodies; it was inevitable they break into a sweat. Soon they were both chanting along with the music, surprised at their own language, still laughing together when they caught other's eye. As the song began to end, Eric felt his own body begin to hum as she slid away. She backed up in time just as the other woman had. He followed her eagerly, his eyes just as eager as his hands as they leapt up to her shoulders, sliding down her sides as she threw her hands up in the air, head down as she bobbed down to the floor, slapped it, and continued on her way up. She put her hip right against his, loving the feel of his body against hers. A disturbing thought entered her mind, suddenly wondering what it would be like to feel him like this when there weren't five hundred other eyes staring at her, laughing as Eric tried not look uncomfortable. As the music commanded her to back up and slam left and right, she couldn't help but slam into Eric, almost apologising before she caught sight of his face, which dropped into a strange expression of surprise and pleasure. The song finally ended, fading way into another one with a frenzied beat. Nadia never stopped moving, she continued to move around, her arms and legs moving in time with everything. Everyone was staring at them as the spotlight set on her and Eric, moving when she moved, calling out she and the mysterious stranger had won.

The next song said it was strictly, "For the ladies that want to impress their men." Nadia winked at Eric elaborately, peeling away to the line where the other women had situated themselves. The song beat faster and faster until a loud cymbal crash started them off, one hand out over their heads, the other behind them as their feet pounded on the ground in time. Each woman began to walk in different directions one by one to pick themselves a man, stopping in their backward trot to flash a glance of their curves to the world, either by dipping low to touch their toes, throw their hips to and fro, or bend backwards to bare her stomach to the world. It was full of sexuality, but they all took it lightly, every woman picking a different man she'd come with, except Nadia, who walked up to Eric calmly, took his collar and pulled him out to the dancefloor.

"Every man in the joint-"

"YEAH!" Replied a baritone chorus-all the men in the building minus Eric, who felt inept.

"Put your hand on your favourite part of your woman and say it loud!" The booming voice commanded.

Eric felt Nadia jerk his arms up to her sides, his hand floating to her shoulders and lower, moving slowly as he blushed madly, avoiding her look.

The chorus started, once again leaving Eric without knowing what he was supposed to say.

"Say it loud! We gonna party all night long, gonna go onto until the night decides to end! Don't matter if we do it right or wrong, give me your body and the heart will bend! Awwwww!" The entire congregation jumped on the drum beat, Nadia chanting with the women who only seemed to say, "Baby don't you touch me there while we're in here..."

The music stopped abruptly. "We got a shy one in the house!" Shouted a small, wiry man. He pushed his way through the crowd to Eric, hoots coming up into the air slowly until a loud hooting filled the building.

"Joey!" Nadia wailed, covering her red face.

"Sorry, Naddy, but this one's gonna prove himself now or get the shame dance-"

"Shame dance?" Eric made a face.

Two rather brutish men folded their arms slowly, smiling as Eric gulped and whirled around to Nadia, who was looking at him apologetically.

She made a very sorry face. "I forget they do this occasionally. You need to do me a favor to avoid being thrown out early..."

He seemed to pale as she leaned up and whispered in his ear.

"I don't care what you have to do to make it look real, but we need to make it look like we're having the best time in our lives right now." She fiddled with his collar again.

"How do I do that, exactly?" He asked, nervous as hell.

She sighed. "See those couples that look like they're about to have sex in the middle of the floor? That needs to be us, right now."

Eric gulped heavily. "Nadia, maybe we should just leave-"

She grinned. "Not afraid of me, are you?"

"No. I just, well, I can't exactly say it, now can I?" He smiled weakly.

"Sure you can!" She chided, waiting for Joey to start the music.

He blushed but spoke. "Go easy on me, Naddy, or I won't be pretending."

Before she react to this with more than her dropped jaw, the music started up and the circle of spectators became an impenetrable wall, cutting them off from escape. Eric leapt to her, taking her body up in his arms, hands inching over every part of her as she moved with the music, mind still moving along quickly, sorting through his comments. Fretting inwardly, Eric moved her closer to her, knowing if she played with him for too long he'd lose it and fast. It was odd to think he was feeling so worried about this, but he hadn't ever seen anyone dance like she was now, and he shuddered to think who had taught her. Maybe jealousy at the thought of who had taught her was better. He kept dropping his mouth open in confusion as she turned away from him, her back to him but her hips still pushing on his. Men hooted loudly as he finally seemed to snap and pulled her shoulders directly in front of him. The dancing masses all watched eagerly as the "judging" spotlight hovered over them, mocking them as they swayed, uncertain and unsure with their actions. It seemed unanimous as they both decided it was just a bit of fun, and Eric pressed his face to the side of hers. He could hear her breathing heavily, and he knew she must be able to hear him. Sooner or later she'd figure out he wasn't getting tired but teetering on the edge. Fortunately the song ended and they slapped hands, laughing uneasily as the spotlight abandoned them with a reluctant admittance fanfare. They seemed to have dried up their fun though, and ended up leaving fifteen minutes later.

Nadia chose to pretend nothing had happened. "See? Fun."

Eric laughed nastily, nodding hysterically. "Yeah! Fun!"

"What? Look, they tease but they mean well-"

"You just screwed over my attempts to keep from pissing you off. Now I'm going to have to do something stupid." He seemed very upset for a split second as they slowed to a stop outside his house. He seemed to consider giving her a ride home, but Nadia leapt out and yanked his door open. She hadn't meant to screw up his evening, but now it appeared he was worried that he wasn't going to be able to help himself. She grinned inwardly; she didn't exactly want him to behave anymore, not after what she'd seen at the club.